I know.. there is something wrong within....

The End

2011-08-07T11:12:00.000-07:00

My last post about being guiltless was one the best post of my lives. My new post is about something so important in my life yet the most unimportant for some reason I cannot fathom.

I am a highly self destructive man, actually I have destroyed myself already long time back. I sometimes think that I am not even worthy of being called a man. I remember being smart, I remember being funny, I remember being the left forward of the football team and I remember being invincible at moments. I remember that if I would run with that ball even without looking I would dribble, I always knew in my heart that I will make the ball reach that goal. I never knew if I would score but I always knew that I will have my chance and I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.
It’s been 6 years and I am still struggling to find myself again. I have controlled so much anger so much anger that I don’t know how I feel anymore. I think I have become so vulnerable and soft that I have started to question my being a man. A few days back a girl said to me that you are like a girl and suddenly that rush came in my mind to run again on the field, to shout, to show aggression that come what may, I will stand my ground. I was challenged for being myself. I hated that line and I always will, and when I say I hated the line I don’t know why, it’s not the fact the girl said it, it’s the fact that she thought the world is not producing men as she wants. Anyhow I liked that girl for being so honest. She is a nice friend .
If I am right,a man has to be the protector; a man has to be the one with pride in his eyes and honesty in his deeds. that is how we are supposed to be and to live with that expectation and uphold that pillar is not an easy task. I have tried and failed and I am trying everyday to be better man than yesterday. I don’t know what to say but as I see the men around me, some are Hank Rearden and Howard Roark, some are Gail Wyand and some are like Peter Keating and Ellsworth Toohey. I keep thinking that how difficult and wrong it seems to me personally that every man in this world would be in one of these grades.
Although I like the fact that we are one of these, I don’t like the fact that today the other men and women decide for someone else. The men always know what are they like. Honestly as I read about Karl Marx, Napoleon, Ayn Rand’s fictional characters, Orhan Pamuk’s fearless and fearful situations I have started to understand that this is how the world was suppose to be. If every man is honest to his word and stands erect no woman no pillar no storm can make him bow down and everything would be about being better, some will win and some will lose definitely but if the same humility and sportsman ship is kept as men always keep with each other, not a stone will be left unturned.
I was broken today. The girl I loved said NO to my proposal. I actually never expected this from her.I have hit a new low in my life and very happily I will walk up. I am not looking back again and I am not regretting anything anymore.
I am just going to be traveler now, I have seen enough of pain, I have seen enough of pain. I don’t want to see any more pain. I will love everyone yet no one. I will live my life now my way the way it was meant to be, yet I just ask the same question

How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man.

The Guiltless Man

2010-11-05T12:58:00.000-07:00

It was 1996. That evening had the look of despair. The sun looked red not the red you see when it’s before sunset. It was bright yellowish red. The clouds broke into pieces as if someone has broken red thin porcelain plates into pieces and threw them all over the sky. The sky was lit red with broken clouds. I looked up for a long time thinking how everyday is so different from the rest of the day.

At a far distance I saw the kites flying. I was never a good kite flier; it was something that I could never master with my hands. I had heard lots of stories about my brother and cousins, especially my brother who is a great kite flier. I used to think that I could never be so that good. I was not very proud of that

That particular day Jimmy, my next door friend told me that today we should fly a kite.

The way he said

“Saurabh, chal ‘patang’ utate hai! Achaa mausam hai. Kya bolta hai”

(Saurabh, Lets fly ‘kites’ ! Amazing Weather, don’t you think)

“Patang” ! I had the Pepsi Bat and a shower ball (Cosco). I had cricket in my mind. I frowned and shook my head to say no.

There was something about Kites.

There was like a search engine in my mind, the moment I heard kite, I remember the torment I go through, the pain of not being good in something, the agony that makes me want to die, the hate of being in a competition where I could be no good. I had accepted that long time back then that I wouldn’t waste time flying kites for there is something that is not meant for me. I felt guilty of being not good, the guilt which made me sick in my stomach, the guilt to myself which makes me ask only 1 question Why can’t I ?

Jimmy was a little persuasive. I don’t like people who try to persuade. I hated it.

Finally I brought 6 kites that day from ‘Suvidha’ the general store in my gali. I had the look of an unconfident man, I was sure that I will crash or tear apart the first few kites. Jimmy said he knows how to string. I said no, let’s go to dadaji, my grandfather, one thing I knew that when he used to say that he knows something, I was without doubt that he would be the best, after all it had at least 20-30 years of experience behind it. I got the ‘lape’ (a thing made from wheat flour used to stick something) Jimmy made a tail for it to balance. I frowned again.

My dadaji tied the knots in perfection. I remember his concentration, the way his hands used to move and his eyes as if it was his kite. He was 85.

I took the ‘latai’ (Latai: The spool which has the coiled string) which we also bought the same day ran 2 steps at a time to go on the rooftop. My house has a nice rooftop. The mango tree reached up to rooftop with branches falling on the railing. In the season you can pluck mangoes and one can see everything from there in my colony, To be honest it used to make the skyline of my colony in those days. No kidding!

It was breezy but still it was difficult even for Jimmy who claimed, had flown enough kites. Jimmy was one of my best friends at the age of 10. He was an excellent cricketer I remember bowling to him from 9am-5pm continuously missing lunch in a challenge to get him out and he never got out. Either that makes me a sucky bowler or him an excellent batsman, but still I would like to believe he was very good. He and I used to celebrate over every great cover drive of Sachin. That India-Pakistan match of 1996 World Cup which India won, I still remember we fired Crackers at 12am, and especially the Rockets keeping them in a bottle and holding the bottle in our hands pointing the rockets in other people’s houses.

The first kite which we made with a long tail dove like Jet in the mango trees and it tore apart. I cut the string to connect to the other kite. Well, it never even left the roof. The third kite tore because Jimmy’s hand was on kite while I pulled the kite with the string. The fourth kite was the red kite. I liked the kite. I wanted to fly it. I had a feeling that I would be able to fly it. It showed a color of achievement.

I wanted to fly the kite without any tail, somehow it was meant to be tougher and if I was attempting something which can make my bones chill, I sure knew I won’t take any easy way. The toughest way was my way to overcome the fear and the agony and especially the guilt.

I tried with the ‘red patang’; for me it suggested, lucky success probably. I told him to give a jerk from his chest as I tried to loose free and pull hard for it to rise.

‘Dheel (let loose) de na jimmy’

‘De raha huin’

“Kheech kheech” Jimmy yelled.

Haan.

It was flying at least about 20 m away. It was flying. I was beginning to be happy. Suddenly as if the kite entered a new zone, It went soaring downwards...

‘Kheech kheech..jaldi jaldi.

I panicked, my attempt is again going futile. I am not meant for this. I pulled it as quickly as possible but the speed at which the patang went inside the roof, and invisible string lying dead on the poles, the mango tree, on electric lines, I couldn’t have pulled any quickly. It was stuck, I pulled it hard that I think I heard the ripping sound of the patang. It just came with the Criss Cross thin Bamboo sticks, and the redness was gone. All left was the sticks, It looked Pale Yellow.

The anxiety attack came again. I was beginning to feel restless. I had to get it out. I had to take care of it else I am going to explode.

I came downstairs furious and painfully sad with myself. I went to shoe rack kicked the wooden shoe rack so hard with my naked feet that I didn’t care if my nail broke but inside I prayed that it doesn’t. As soon as I hit the wood, sharp pain shot through my legs.

My eyes got red the thin veins in my white ball started expanding and I could feel a drop of water from the corner of the eye. I went to the basin; I could even see the small tiny hole producing the glob of tear. It was coming because of the pain. It was involuntary, I wasn’t crying, I was furious over my failure once again. I opened the water with the maximum speed. MAXIMUM SPEED. The water splashed on my shirt and leg. My leg was dirty with dust, The water showed my brown skin underneath. I looked in the mirror trying to control my anger, my failure. I washed my eyes and told myself, “kya kar raha hai.. chodd na”.

As I came downstairs, I felt calm. Nobody had any idea what I just went through. Dad was doing some paperwork. Didi was in kitchen with my mother, Bhaiya was watching TV.

I went up to Dadaji’s room told him that I am not able to fly.

He looked up unruffled and told me, “ Phir se koshish karo” I looked at him especially his blue eyes which can make u look at him for long time, thinking how weird is that he has blue eyes. Huh, whatever. It was very different and he was unflustered with things that didn’t matter to him. My failure didn’t matter to him but somehow my efforts did.

I went into the kitchen where Mom gave me some thing to eat and I said “NO”. It wasn’t a no which could have posed a question. I took some water and ran upstairs.

As soon as I reached upstairs I found Jimmy locking the rooftop door telling me it’s almost 7. It wasn’t dark. It was just late. I told him “You go! I will fly”

I went outside took the last Purple Patang and came downstairs to get my knot made from dadaji. He made it with the same precision mutely, only a little longer and finally disclosed a few tricks regarding the ratio of lengths of the front and back for me to understand the concept.

I went up. I made the knots with the string connected to ‘latai’. I wiped my mouth with back of my palm and tried again, very cautiously. It fell. I tried again. It fell. I ran with the whole kite and string from one end of roof to the other end. It didn’t fly.

Finally to give more jerk, I went to the railing and let the kite fall on one side in the air and kept the latai on the rooftop ground. I held the string with my hand. The kite was now about 10 feet below roof hanging loose and I pulled with the strongest jerk I could give. The string nicked the skin on my fingers. It hurt but I managed to fly a little bit. I kicked the latai on the ground for it to loose more string like a wool ball. I let the kite go very slowly and held it at my grasp. I used to give jerks to see which direction the wind is trying to guide. I felt the string running through my fingers like a pulley, I could feel the scratch deepen and lines it made. But I didn’t look down, just at the kite. I had to fly.

After about 40 min, without my realization I found the kite almost 200 m away. The purple kite against the red sun, It looked Maroonish. I took the latai and I kept giving dheel.

It was flying in sunset. I put the latai in one of the holes and let the kite fly all by itself.

I didn’t care if anybody is there to see me doing it, I didn’t care if after today I would never be able to fly kite ever again, I didn’t care if anybody told me that I can fly better than you.

At about 8 pm, It was about to sunset, I had not realized but I have almost sent my kite about 1 km away. I could see the kite just above the Gas Station or the last Grey House visible to me. I played with the latai, I played with the string. I even danced on the railing with the latai in my hand as if it was the only thing that mattered to me. I clapped my hands so hard that it echoed on the roof.

I was thinking to pull it down when I saw my brother coming from the door; He was eating something on the plate. Followed by him were my mother and my sister. They always thought I flew kites.

Didi said “ Kitna door chala gaya hai..”

Mom nodded in agreement.

They had no idea the happiness I had in my mind.

My brother took the latai from my hand and started flying; I took his plate with bread rolls and started eating. It was his but I wanted to eat from the same plate. He kept flying for a while and giving more and more ‘dheel’.

Finally the string ended. All what was left was the smallest knot on one of the Bamboo sticks of the latai.

He came back to talk to me if we should pull it back when I heard the SNAP.

I knew what it was. The string broke from the latai. It was empty.

From what I saw from the faces of my family was a momentary awe, my sister was looking at bhaiya while he was flying. She responded trying to catch the string in the air. It was funny. I heard my brother whispering “Shucks”.

There was a momentary weirdness and everyone looked at me, I was so happy that I couldn’t care. I just smiled and said

“Kya hua?”

Bhaiya said “String toot gaya (The string broke), as if was it was his fault” He felt guilty for something. I could see his lips purse, I wondered if anyone can be ‘the guiltless man’ because I sure knew it was the guilt that I wanted most for him to be free of. I smiled.

I told him in the most cheerful voice “ I am sure that the kite would not fall before it will reach near River Ganges. I think I saw my brother’s face explode with jollity only for a second before he came patted on my back and started eating from the same plate as we watched the ‘purple patang’ go away.

After 1year 1month 1day, 1 wrote this

2009-11-21T03:46:00.000-08:00

If you have not seen Kolkata you are surely missing out something. There is something about it which makes me feel wonderful. It has that character of being different from other cities and proudly standing there even though it is the crowd-est city in the country and little filthy too.

I arrived in Kolkata on 8th Nov 2009. To be honest I hated that city. It was just filthy right from the airport. Moreover what happened within the first few minutes with me being in the city also had to do with it.

I was in those yellow taxis, the other taxi just tried to overtake from left and it got jammed.
My taxi driver: "abbey bhonsri k dikhta nahi hai kya"?
Him: Kya be ?
My taxi driver: "Saala (while turning the steering), ghusaa jaa raha hai bihari saala "
And he drove away

I retorted instantly: Kya hai yeh..kuch bhi bol rahe ho?
He said: “ Sirjee aap jaante nahi ho, saale sab bihari ek number k haraami hotey hai”

I didn’t think much before I warned him “ bhaiya aage toh aap bolna nahi warna yahi ladayee ho jaayege” and I didn’t hear any word from him again.

I finished the work in Kolkata and had plans with a friend to visit Kolkata. Everybody we asked said to go to Park Hotel. There was a point when we were like is there any place else and this Bengali guy was like:
“ It’s a good place. You’ll have fun”. I knew what he meant but I was failing to make him understand that I wanted to go somewhere where it would be funny to go and cheap. I hate paying 500 buks for a pint.

I am cheap.
Anyhow we strayed around the city like dogs eating some or the other things, laughing talking about Amit Thakur’s antics. I mean that guy is hilarious.
I still remember:

“We lived in a big bunglow in the corner of the city in Scotland. It had like 15-20 bedrooms, It looked like an old Scottish haunted witchouse.
Amit Thakur lost his keys of his room. Our boss, there was an asshole. Damn, Thakur was so scared to even ask for duplicate keys.. he used to come back from office and go around the house through those 5 feet tall grasses to enter his room through window.
I died laughing… I mean Amit Thakur, B.Tech NSIT, Age 23, Working with Multinational Company earning in 8 figures is entering room everyday through window from last 3 days. It was one of those moments when I laughed so much that I leaned on the car window and finally had to sit near the tyre.”

Then there was this legendary incident which happened during placement in NSIT.
Cast:
Amit Thakur’s Friend: Rohit; He was intelligent, good in sports. He used to be good in Interviews otherwise except when somebody asks him “ What is your hobby or something like What are your strengths”. He used to panic

So during one of the interview session

Company Guy: So Rahul, I guess you have worked a lot on Hydraulic Pumps and can you please tell me about blah blah blah..
Rohit: Yes Sir Yes sir.. I have done quite a few projects.
Company Guy: So Tell me what else do you want to know about our company?
Rohit: Sir Nothing much.
Company Guy: Ok Tell me something about you, like something you are really good at?
Rohit: (He was like,, bhencho..) He acted all confident and leaned back on the chair. He kept his one hand on the side of the chair feeling the support and the other hand on his face..rubbing his chin acting really confident.

He answered: “ Sir, I think I am a really good observer”

Company Guy: ( I don’t know whether he was impressed or he was amazed but I guess he liked the answer a little. Worst happened that he continued with it)
“Alright Rohit, that’s a start We are sitting here for like .. ummm 30 min. So what is your observation about me”
Rohit: (Panic had already struck him but he never backed out. He continued act confident and he was so concerned to look confident, he forgot what he had to answer. He looked at the company guy acutely, rubbed his chin like he was pondering seriously and said “

Sir you know what.. I think you are also (pause) a very good observer.
Anyhow,
We had like 6-7 beers, and planned to go to Sona Gachi in Kolkata at night…
I had never been to such an area in India before. When I told Apeksha, she was like Eww…I didn’t say much to make her understand about why did I go there. I had my own reasons.

Sona Gachi is an area in Kolkata, near Grease Park Metro Station. It looks like you can say Chandni Chowk. Immensely crowded with people just passing by children playing badminton, with a lot and a lot of hawkers selling fruits, golgappas, egg rolls.

While you would walk in the road. There would be a lot of old buildings with names like Night Lovers/Neelkamal Building etc (well I visited these 2 that’s why I know)
My friend Varun was sweating profusely since he had never been to such a place before.

Varun said “ Chal nikaltey hai
Me “ Abhi kahaan”
Varun “ yaar tu marwayega”
Me “ Dekho Phat toh meri bhi rahee hai, but sahi lag raha hai”
Varun “ chal sutta nikal tu !”

As we were walking this old man comes to us “Idhar aa jao, Achhi achhi dikhata huin”

That man was like 65-75 years old but damn it with so much pride and happiness he said those words that it hit me. He had no regrets of doing or even talking like that. Pretty Neat. Huh. He was a lot like me. No regret about anything anymore.
As we entered he shouted
“ Oye Sonu Monu, bahaar aana”
Don’t ask me about Sonu Monu as we proceeded to the first floor and there were people bustling, all labour class people bustling with girls with heavy lipstick and wearing shiny clothes were talking standing outside each room in the corridor playing with their hair. A couple of the girls had small children like 2-3 years old playing there while someone had a new born in her hand and was trying to hand it over to a friend while she said
“Cushhtomer aaya hai”
For a moment I was thinking that my life is same as theirs only the money hides the sobs and shows laughter.

Next Foor

This looked cleaner I guess because it was expensive. The girls were pretty young perhaps 18 or so. They all had flashy mobiles and were sitting together near a verandah playing some games. As soon as we came they didn’t even bother to look until this old man shouted “ Sapna idhar aana” She came smiling with her hands interlocked together and he said “ Dekh lo”
It was like choosing a tshirt and that man was pretty convinced he had a good collection and wanted to sell me one at any cost. I wanted to retort “ Kya dekhu”
but kept mum.

Third floor

It had a big terrace, and me and Varun just came out. I had coronas in my bag so I took it out and started drinking while we sat on the railing.
Varun was pretty cheerful and said “Sahi jagah hai na”
I said “ Haan Thik hai”
I think I was lost for a moment, all I liked was the beer in my hand worth 90 buks. I was thinking it was the first time I am having this beer for 90 buks. At ambience mall in Gurgaon damn I paid 410 buks including taxes for this. I loved that beer very much on the top of the building, Night Lovers. It was a good feeling

The man shouted “Udhar AC Room bhi available hai”. I said “Chup ho jaa” and I thought he understood that I don’t want to hear his voice again

Suddenly out of the blue, I saw this girl walking on the other end of the terrace, she was wearing a t shirt and payjama. She wasn’t someone who belonged to that place. She was smoking ganja and I wanted to take a drag really bad so I asked for it. She didn’t care to say much before she handed over me another 2 joints. She spread out her palm in front of me without looking at me + taking a drag. I handed over a hundred. I am not going in details of the night at Sona Gachi, but it was exhilarating, like a good break from the usual.

I am presently in Cochin in the middle of the Indian ocean. It’s a good thing when you feel like the King. Its fucking great as I sit on the helipad while watching the sunset eating Spicy Barbeque Chicken Sandwich which I prepared from scratch from chicken pieces with mayo and onions. Then I spread it over the 4 slices of Bread to make it large and feastful. Then I put some tomatoes and some lettuce and olives with jalapeños and coleslaw. Its like homemade Sandwich + Chilled Coke and Choclate brownie with Vanilla Ice cream on the side, as I listened to the music while I typed my blog and enjoyed the wind ....I watched this….

Now All I need is a heavy rain and Yacht. I am sure it will come to me because I want it.
Gracias !

24

2008-10-18T04:15:00.000-07:00

All whiskeys are equal; They are all vastly inferior to Jack Daniels.

3nd October ‘2008,
7:30 am.

It was the best feeling when I rolled over nicky and kissed her on the shoulders. I guess scottish girls don’t open their eyes, she jst rolled back and started smothering my lips. I could feel her legs trying to move on mine while kissing and her knees poking me inside the quilt.

She looks at me says “so how was meal last night?” I said Jesus heard my prayers...

She laughed and looked at me..then gave me a peck , took my towel, wrapped around and went jumping on the carpet straight into the shower, shouting “ you can join if you want.”

I put my hand on the back of my head smirking, as I cut the tip of the cigar and whispered“ Thank you Jack.”

2nd october ‘ 2008
7:30 am.
I woke up startled, with a jolt, one hand on the ground fingers touching the floor and the second grabbing the pillow. I squeezed my eyes and it was 7:30am. I was cranky and had one of those nights with heavy liquor. Normally I don’t go down but yesterday was a wasted night.

I came out of the hotel, to leave for the office, took my cigar and lit it. While i was busy doing that Mohammed, Adeeb came out n shouted

“Gud morning shaun”
I looked at them, didn’t feel the urge to reply back, my mind was kinda fixed on the dream last night of having a conversation , meaningful conversation, like looking for a shrink perhaps.

I ignored them.
So as I went to the table for breakfast, pouring cereal and stuff. Just right about then my eyes wandered to the legs across my table. There was a tattoo of a sparrow on her ankles, a blue-yellow sparrow flying. I looked up to see her and she was there asking the people orders.

Sweet ! I said aloud.
After she was finished them, comes to me and says “ What do u want to have for breakfast?”
“ sparrows”.
What again?
I said nothing. What do u have?
No I heard you said sparrows. I just looked at her and said, it’s a beautiful tattoo.
She smiled and said in long sweet voice.. ( don’t know what’s the deal with singing)
I knowwwwww
Can I have an omelette with tomatoes, fried bread and toast with honey Nicky.
Yeah.. wait a secnd..How did u know my naeeme?
It says right there pointing at her shirt.
She looked at me and gave me a sigh.. and tells me “ Its my first day here and I am pretty nervous”
You are doing amazingly well, coming from me who has always been doing this stuff from years in India.. [cummmonnn]
You from india?
Yeah, why You are from india 2. though u look tht u r somewhere from east.
Ya, I am half jewish and half english, I love that country though, never been there but my ex was Indian back in london.
Too much information nicky.. u are single, that’s all I heard.
She laughed ! o ya

That’s so good.. Alright u hurry with the orders, you don’t want the manager to see u talking, with those ppl waiting there after all its ur first day.
Oh yeahhhhhh [again]

It was the smoothest conversation I had with the stranger and I loved every part of it. Anyway my mind was still thinking if she resembled someone and I then realised she looked exactly like Shambhavi Sharma. m telling u.

She brought the tray holding everything. She put it on the table and I was still looking at her feet.
U can have it too, if you love that thing so much, said while she was setting the trays.

No, thanks. I like it on ur ankles more.

Well I am here, you can look as much as u want.

I was like.. whaa...

So I finished the breakfast and was leaving to go for the office when I said Thanks for everything and she was like. I hope you liked the breakfast more. I just said " I think i liked the ankles more" and said bye and went away.To be honest I would have hated if she had said something weird, so I left

8:30-5:00 pm

The longest day ever.

6:00-12:00am

As I came back, I noticed she was still there and this time on reception. I was all cool though she was stinking with perfume.

What are you doing tonight ? said she handing over my room keys.

nothing.

Do u wanna go out later at night. it's friday and this city goes nuts. I l show you.

I looked at her and said " only if u show me the tattoo?"

She said "You mean my tattoos." with a corny smile and a wink followed.

oyeah.

00:00 -7:30 am 2nd Oct.

In one hand, I carried Jack and other was going all crazy. I aint going in details but definately the tattoos of the sparrow coming from the nest which came out from eggs.. quite large ones were something which made my mind swirl and . . .

last thing which I said to her " I was going for a nice breakfast but god nicky u serve the bestest meal.." and she said Shaun! you have no fucking idea. Sweet jesus.

Written and Produced by:

Fuck

2008-07-30T23:20:00.000-07:00

Everytime i thought i would now stop blogging and well right there on my face i get a slap and i start writing. It's like a wakeup call.

Bhainchod !! Nahi aana chahiye tha...

It was raining as if some slut was cumming.. God it was like a river flowing down every road in Delhi. I was on my Black Pulsar 180DTSi. I biked from Noida to Gurgoan to pluge into the provocating sea of thoughts where everything looks good and everythingz right.

As I name our session " Mara Di Grass "...

There were like 20 joints with scotch VAT 69 lying down the ground. I entered all drenched

Gajju saw me, he was on the floor and before i could say anythin i heard him laughing and saying

"abhi main chutiya ho raha huin.. mujhe nahi pata main kyon has raha huin but mast lag raha hai"

Ofcorse.. it had to be like this

"abhi main chutiya ho raha huin.. mujhe nahi pata main kyon has raha huin but mast lag raha hai"

30 minutes later, I was sitting next to him and we both knew that we had begun our journey to the unknown.

Here were the insights..
" Since the tents on our pants were an obvious signs . I asked.. imagine a dark big dormitory.. with nice erotic music, Each double bed on the sides with white silk sheets sounding like someone jst slipped it and there are angels caressing the sheets with their naked body enticing u and dying to touch you.. Weather is like u feel now.. raining outside. Ambience is all gloomy and animal.

As you walk and open your eyes... the first bed has Riya Sen and Raima Sen covering each other's body with sheets which is about to slip and you can make out nipples and curves and you can see that beneath the sheets they are touching..

The next bed has Shilpa Shetty and Shamita Shetty, in all black with boots on and their asses held up high in the air waiting to be punished, u can actually see them lipping each others an-gina..

coming on to next you see Kareena Kapoor and Karishma kapoor.. u can imagine as u want.. them to be.. they are way too much desperate..

As you come next, there are 2 school girls... with short skirts upto knee.. folding their white shirt sleeves near arms.., tie completely loose.. and with hair all wet and since they got drenched too while coming to the dormitory.. both girls have removed their shoes and socks and are right there on the bed talking, giggling, with their assets almost touching sideways..

And the last has the old is gold philosophy...2 hot women, married unsatisfied, naked already started doing with each other.. they are so much in need that even touching it would be like heaven for them, insatiable, a bit sadistic, glamourous rich and dripping...

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

was our first reaction as we both narrated the story completing each other's sentences.After every line he said " Maa kasam Bond, Mazaa aa gaya." I couldnt literally take out any voice. Then Gajju narrated some of his dreams and I have imagined but never felt like this but I guess I am too less of a man...

It starts with the song called from the band "she wants revenge".Lol..nothing like that...

It goes like:
So he is fucking like there's no tomorrow... fucking on th edge of the bathtub from behind. she is whimpering and moaning and he is just doing it. He could feel the gyna tightening around his ..ick and could hear her saying "stop". He wanted to but he cannot, He wanted to cum badly..He wanted her to stay stop so that he could do it more. She knew it already inside out that just after this all she would feel is " a tired whore whose uterus is about to burst". She had gone through this feeling a lot of times with tears..But she was too ecstatic to even remember the last time she was fucked so good... Gajraj Singh Rathod was doing his best to cum early but I think he didn't and She was way too weak to stop anything. She could see the bottom of the bathtub with small parts of soap floating inside.

Gajju held her hair made some tight roundabouts to get a grip of the hair and dipped her face in the water..So there he was about to close his eyes, the eyelids were flicking, inside he wanted that he has just to get over with this and wanted to see the woman's face for the first time..
And then he knew he was there, about to cum, could feel the cum pulsating through his dick, he could feel his dick getting as hard as rock and could feel the flow.. He increased his pressure and speed and within seconds he exploded.. Even after that he didn't let the woman free.. As he did, she was dead. I think he had this guilt inside him till now for why didn't he let her free.

After that I don't remember much coz next morning when I woke up I found a half burnt joint in my hand, my legs on Gajju's back while gajju was sleeping on his chin on the edge of the bed.

As we both opened our eyes, all we did was passed on a smirk and lit another joint....

FUCK

AGHAST

2008-04-02T21:23:00.000-07:00

11 a.m Patna.

April 4, Almost Every year.
Bihar, India

I was looking outside the window ardently, sitting uncomfortably, adjusting in the little space with plenty of thoughts racing in my mind My hands were folded on my body was trying to itch my arms, not exactly.... infact i was just brazing my fingertips under the sleeves of my t-shirt and at times squeezed my flesh. It was a good day.

It wasn't a usual day at home. Something different and amazing and I loved that moment so much that I wanted to have sex with it. [I closed the lid of my computer as I stopped watching scrubs ;exactly when the stroke of teeny tiny droplets of water came strong on my computer screen and the back of my head]. It was about to pour down heavily. Cool, soothing and windy morning with grey clouds above, it was indeed gonna rain. The water in the pond behind my house was moving strongly making circles. The dust was all around. My mother shouted " khidki band karo nahi toh sab dhool andar aayega" I didn't want to. I wanted to see everything. Right from the fact that initially it would be like a storm then it would drizzle and finally would come down heavy on us. It was somehow the moment which I really adored to the core.

"nahi aayega dhool" I retorted.

My bed was aligned along the window. I opened the other window pane and sat by the window sledge. I tried very hard to fit myself on to it. As I looked outside there was panic..

Hurrr... hurr.. The gwala was shouting hysterically as he tried to fit those cattles inside that hut but in vain. The rain was pouring mercilessly and heavily; practically one of the cows was standing in rain despite his best efforts. Some craftsmen, I suppose were trying to cover the newly made pipes with vast plastic sheets. Looking at an angle I saw a red house, no it wasn't painted, it practically didnt have any plaster so I could see the bricks, there was this robust woman, running around in a frantic rush to take all the clothes from the roof which were drying. As she was doing that her son was running around on the roof enjoying and playing in the rains. She was so much in a hurry that she held his body by his upper arms and he clung on to her arms. She lifted him up and ran towards the door.

I sighed. It was like I had concentrated so much to see as the rains that it made me sightless, so I closed my eyes for sometime. I felt hungry.

"Mummy, kuchh khane ko de dou".

She came walking calmly and said " abhi toh naashta kiye thhey na"

"Ok, rehnde dou.. ek second.. achaa banana shake banaa dou khoob saara.. "

she smiled and went back. I knew she won't say no if I ask for something like banana shake. Good, that I didn't say I wanted Maggi. (lol). As soon as my mother left my room I closed my eyes and started to remember, I wasn't able to think since each time my mind tried to focus, the water droplets struck me on my face and I was forced to see outside and well I did enjoy the paranomic view....

Suddenly I got up, went to open the computer lid and put on enigma. As I came back to sit on the bed and kept my chin on the window sledge with my hands between it, I closed my eyes and as soon as I did that, my mind started working, I got lost.

Cafe Leopold, Mumbai
March 2007.
Time 8-9ish...

I have no clue about Bombay, Sanyukta. Seriously, I have no clue..
"I know a place" said she.

Where?
It's a good place.. Chal !

Pata nahi, tu kahaan le jaayegi..Tell me na
Nahi btaa rahi main.. Lets go.

We reached the place. I realised I am standing behind Taj Hotel. People were moving very fast. I was jittery, a bit fretful, kinda feeling weird. She walked confidently like she owned that place. I followed her.
Within few seconds, I was walking in a crowded place. Right in front of me was "Cafe Mondegar"
It looked expensive. I didn't say a word.
As we crossed the road and kept moving, I looked at her moving with giant steps, dodging people dodging eyes, walking like a ghost. I wanted to stop her at that moment and tell her... I love u, but I was too engrossed with the eccentric crowd. It was like everybody trying to push me while she walked comfortably like she scared people and as if she was actually a ghost. When I think like this I like her even more.

Leopold..:
giant steps led upstairs to the first floor. As I entered it was full. Thankfully we got a table for 2. I pulled the chair for her so that she could choose where to sit. If she would have sat on the side she didn't choose, she would have seen the crowd, full of african-americans drinking and dancing., while on the otherside she would only get to see me and the old man smoking cigar behind me. She chose the obvious side.

As we ordered the drinks, we were talking about the surprise and about manish, charu and about people, then about college, home, family. time flew. I just had like 3 beers while she must have had 4 large rum. She had started to become more quieter and funnier but then I didn't know that she is gonna scold the waiter to get the tequilla.. that too 2..Waiter was too cautious to anything.

"She was wet from her eyes.. I think it was the lemon or may be not, but she looked so sexy that I didn't say no for another tequilla after a little persuasion. But I realised.. had I not stopped her, then she would have had even more after losing consciousness. That was pretty sweet.

Sanyukta..
Sanyukta....
Sanyukta......

I was perplexed, first i thought i should wake her up which was nearly impossible so after a lot of struggle , I picked her up and well, her slippers fell. You know the situation where you don't know what to do..should i pick the slippers keeping her on my hands or shd i put her back on the chair and make her wear the slippers.. Gladly people helped me put her slippers on the back-pockets of my jeans. You know a secret.. I loved it.. !!

Finally, the cigar smoking guy says" Beta.... Is she alright?"

"SUPER" I said. Giving him the thumbs.

As I came down the stairs and came out.. I just opened the taxi door and told him to drive back. While she slept peacefully on my lap.. I was stroking her hair, trying to see if she was awake. She was a bit restless but peaceful and silent.

I sometimes want those moments so bad that I don't know what would I do after 4-5 years to bring back those memories from the most profound part of my mind and try to visualize it and see it as many times as I want. At times, I am numb, othertimes dead, mostly I cry and strangely I am happy too at times when i am unconscious , never scared though, but you know what is the worst thing...it's when somebody you trusted the most couldn't just trust you back anymore and tried to free itself ripping apart with so much force that it was as if your soul befriended you. It was like I couldn't save myself from myself..and when i saw in the mirrow.. I saw it...

....Just like this :

"Utho...Saurabh" .." Shake pee lou " said Ma...and I realised.. " The rains have stopped, the weather is hot again.. the sun is scorching ! The beautiful weather is gone and I didn't even realise so unaware was I,
huh..so unaware was I.

holi was just another DAY !

2008-03-22T04:30:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I have so many things I am thinking at the same time that I don’t want to write about it just because I am not in the mood. When I write or anybody..lets not to do anybody and in this whole world sorta things. I l stick to me and myself only.

So as I was saying when I write I think I focus mainly on writing before I think what to write but today despite of the fact that I am not in the mood I will just write what comes to my mind. I had so many things going in my head that presently I forgot what to decipher to u all first.
Well for a quick start seconds before I saw sanyukta’s snaps and I realized I haven’t moved on till now so I don’t think I am emotionally available. To be honest I think now writing this would make one step ahead from what I was that atleast now I accept I have to move on huh.. too complicated things just leave it there.

I am actually very confused over somethings which I find very stupid. I think there is a time when everybody wants to be left alone. I meant left alone for whatever reason they don’t know. Then you will see that their closest or you know most connecting friends hang around with them to make him/her comfortable. I detest what I am wrting but I want to don’t know why I guess I am bored may be that’s why. I hate that at times.

That’s one thought I remembered. Ok now I will write the story , I want to make this article as extensive as possible and would try that until and unless I am empty in my mind with no story and with no imagination left to be shared at this moment no matter how personal or public they are. Even though I have written personal it would definitely be impossible for me to write personal things since I would be in dilemma whether or not its worth sharing with people I don’t care about.

Lately everything in my mind wanders to love and pain and stupid stuff but then it just comes and vanishes as soon as I realize that it’s a pennyless thought and I need to focus elsewhere. ( I think and I am pretty sure what’s wrong here. I was here to write something else but I cannot since I cannot remember those imagination and even though I could I am not able to write it. God ! why am I writing if you wont find it intresting enough to read It and at the end you would think stupid blog.)

You know what a good writer is, A really good one. A person who can create most déjà vu in his novel with every living soul on this planet. I mean when you read the novel and you think how similar your thought was to this author and you think, this novel totally gets me. I was thinking to read the fountainhead from such a long time but everytime I tend to pick up the novel and I see the thickness and I think ..may be later. So I read the kite runner instead and it didn’t get me so much as much I can imagine but it got me till a certain point. Sometimes I wish I could be an author or writer which can totally get you at all levels, you understand like all levels.
I don’t know what kind or persons you want to be but I do know what kind of person you are. When I am speaking don’t take it seriously, I am not judging and I am just giving an opinion. Everybody and I mean it so seriously that you would cry your eyes out but I am dead sure serious has a giant ego. The person who has it and shows it is proud of the fact that I have ego and The person who sacrifices it thinks that I can sacrifice this much .

There is a big problem with guys and girls at the teenage. All the guys at that age have no clue what love is and well girls have all the idea. (but both are lies if u r 22) For them it’s like the most beautiful thing that can happen to them. And its all over the world. Marriage, love, care, strong man and I don’t know what not they have imagined for their guys. As I speak all these things there would be all of you thinking Oh! Another one of those stupid things, but I am not speaking but like all parents think that their sons should not go through what they went through, I just don’t want any one to do stupid things like I did. “Don’t get scared coz every person in this world is just scared of being judged wrong” Okay I need to stop this because I know where its going.. may b later in some other post. (this was one of the most stupid paragraphs so forgive me)

Yes ! I remembered why I don’t I find girls who are like the best for me, Lemme picture my ideolized version of the lady I want.

Hmmm a muslim well religion doesn’t matter but she should be like this. A beautiful Indian/Pakistani/Afgani/ Latvian.. 5 ‘6 “ dark or fair complexioned with black hair. She should be at least 2 or 3 years elder to me with great American English accent and should know more than 2 languages hindi and English being the 2. It would be awesome if the third language is French. Her profession should not be too classy or too below average lets assume an intermediate level , may b journalist or freelance writer or bartender.

Huh ! As I say all this there would be so much fantasizing that its weird. Let me be more honest. I want a girl who is not too sticky nor too oblivious in fact oblivious would do, one who can at least cook few bihari dishes. (typical bihari of me) huh. I know how to cook, I just want her to know how to cook maggi. She should be extravagant in spending money, egoistic and less talkative even though she knows how immature talk is going around her she should know when to interfere and when not to. I wish for her name to be like aliya or Ananya or Ayeznia may be zarah . And then I say I don’t have any expectations. To be honest I don’t. I just have fantasies but they are mine.

Just enjoy your holi everyone as i said its just another day for me.
Happy Holi

10th march 2008

2008-03-10T11:25:00.000-07:00

thts it. the thought must have ended right there....(perhaps).

Listen to the story son ! one day it will be a book.

2008-02-12T05:59:00.000-08:00

So my sister gets married on 12th feb and I was ecstatic. Reached home at Dwarka, New Delhi in the morning after the marriage. It was held at Taj Ambassador and well obviously the marriage lasted till morning including "vidai" and all.

13th February 2005
Dwarka, New Delhi.

I have heard about Sanyukta from million different people and for million different reasons. She was ofcorse related with my family, no not immediate relative but a distant one. I had heard that she was one hell of a girl and by that I mean extremely focussed and very different and outspoken.

My intention was to have fun, so my cousin calls her and asks her to come to my place. While talking I snatched the phone from her and started talking. She said " Who is this ?" I said " Saurabh."very proudly assuming she would say " Oh saurabh, hi"
Well the answer was " Please let me talk to Nidhi di"

I was like " Alright! What's with the attitude and I handed the phone back to my cousin".
Huh !So I get dumped on phone.

So this is how it started. I mean nothing started just these were the first words that we exchanged. Finally She decided to come. It was about 11-12 am in the morning when I heard from the guard Sanyukta and a friend of hers have arrived.

I was like " bhainchodd.. sahi hai..masti karengey.."
And when I reached down to see..Okay I know it will sound nothing great but I l tell you the truth and nothing but the truth.

She was wearing blue kurta and a white lose light pyjamas..Her hair was untidy and since it was windy it was going here and there. Her face was small so I couldnt see her properly since her long hair was all over her face. She was wearing nike ACG floaters (ofcorse) and was busy doing the entry. Her friend was also pretty good looking and she looked very cheerful while Sanyukta was indifferent.

No matter what I say I laughed. I don't know why but I just laughed since the fun was about to begin. I like those feelings.

So there was me, my cousin brother,sister and me standing at the parkway while she took giant quick steps to reach my cousin to say hello. I don't remember what I said, I guess I was busy laughing.I might have said hi.I really dont think that I got a reply. But yea her friend said hi.. and there.. she made it unintresting.

Well, today 3 yrs down the line I never want to forget those moments where I played pranks, laughed , infact I even took my mami's "payal" and made her wear that. It couldn't have been more awkward than it already was and the end of it there was simply hatred and uneasiness. I also thought.. god she is fucking irritating. chuck

Nothing and I mean nothing prepared me for the events that happened but I guess I can never ever forget those things. Fuck.. ! I don't even want to. I could have written this blog way intresting that I have but sometimes its not needed , since it would just kill it.

13th February 2005, a day before that stupid valentines day I met my first love. hahahaha kya mazey aatey hai aisee batein karney mein.. but everything was worth it. Everything.

Little Manhattan... heard it's a good movie

2008-01-02T07:58:00.001-08:00

And when the honest man arose from ashes he realised, somethings were just amazingly beautiful.

An honest man died......

2008-01-01T05:43:00.000-08:00

I had a very ill feeling today. Well It was not ill, It was just a feeling which I keep hiding from myself. I had imagined myself to be the most pathetic human being. It was good in the sense I felt like I am a loner and if I start loving myself then I would have no rivals.

Then on the other hand I felt weird. Coz I remembered my mom and dad who had infact made me. It was their responsibility to nurture me and grow me up now the question arose in my mind that ?

Do I owe them for life for everything for "whatever they did " which they thought was their responsibility?
I was left awestruck and unanswered.

I do have a lot of self respect for myself. I sometimes know myself so well that every action I do I just have a feeling that I would know the opposite reaction yet I do it for I like to have the experience. So I feel I know what's the last page and everything then seems uninteresting.

...
When I was 11 I used to steal books and pens from other friends, actually I was not miser but I wanted to know how would I feel like when I steal ? It was good initially till one day I was caught and bashed up. It was funny because I was laughing the whole time. I wanted to get caught and have a beating. I wanted to just experience it.

When I was 15 I didn't do a work a senior gave it to me. I wanted to know how is like to be scared of someone who is much powerful and scary. The 15 second walk he took from the hostel gate to my bed I literally saw him in the eyes to tell him I am not scared, but I was a bit not because that he would hit me or punish me.. I have a lot of stamina to resist that but what scared me was my ability to analyze. He hit me and then I put dettol on my head and I went back to jerk off.

When I was 21, I wanted to see this world a better place and felt like I am the only fish dirtying the pond and causing troubles. I sometimes cry and orgasm with fear and I am speaking in literal sense not metaphorically.I literally orgasm with cum oozing out. I experienced something strange out of it. At the end I am the same guy who is not afraid or anything but just scared of the fact that I analyze things too quickly.

I do not miss words, I do not miss people, I do not miss life, I do not miss happiness the only thing I miss is DEATH....

Come soon ! Don't make me come to you.

One day

2007-12-30T05:25:00.000-08:00

One day when everything will be ... just awesome...

Saurabh.

Eminem... I have lost my self in this bizarre world.

2007-12-30T03:10:00.001-08:00

I l drink everything like poison. I have to... drink everything like poison..

To future....for the year December 28, 2015

2007-12-28T11:36:00.000-08:00

First of all Happy Birthday

Hi both of you..?

What's with you guys ? What are you doing these days? Ofcorse you guys have no idea where each other of you are and even if you know, it’s pointless. Are you guys friends or is it absolute tranquility. You are a fucked up shit Saurabh.

So do u have a girl now whom you lowee?? So how is this new girl you are dating or loving...whateva… - and , How’s job? Killing you again. Huh. How much money are you making ? Are you a millionaire or what ? * kidding.. I know u..

I was just told to make you remember these when you get married to this new girl:

a.) keep your daughter’s name S. (You remember). That’ l explain that thing too. hehehe...

b.) Let your new girl decide on the other child’s name. ( joerose... read below..hehehehe)

Now I know this would sound weird and crazy, but atleast you can convince your new wife for this since you love her so much now, But you are a crazy man Saurabh, you might mess up things here too.

Anyway right now on 28th December 2007, you were sitting on the bed, listening to music and thinking everything, and was trying to imagine what would be like when you might have moved on finally. I l just try to imagine, as I move on, I would have found a new girl or something coz that’s the only way I will get over all this:

Scene: Curtains up

I am sitting in the office, at my desk in front of my laptop, doing some work while my team mates are around me talking and discussing things and division of work is being carried out. My colleagues are continuously messaging on the computer about today’s target, meetings, agendas etc.

During breaks I would be hanging around with the most lukkha group who are busy smoking cigarettes and making plans to hit the bars for drinking and catching up. Finally
I will talk to this hot girl of my office and I am assuming she is one of my colleagues.

Me: Hey, Joerose Have you completed the work, Avik told you to. I need that data right now. I have to complete this work tonight else Avik’s gonna fire me for sure.
She: Yup, I had done it already. Forgot. I l send it right away

Me: K.. Kya baat hai heroine. These days u are hitting on Akshat a lot. Should I set u up?
She: Yeah.. of all the people you chose Akshat. Please…. Why? Am I that bad

Me: Arrey kya problem hai Akshat se. He is good looking, smart intelligent.. an Eligiballll bachelor joerose.
She: Please ! not Akshat. He is a jackass. I get irritated when he laughs.

She: Don’t you have some work to finish. Badtameez ke tarah.. why are u always trying to set me up.
Me: No, just that everybody is talking about you all the time, about whom you would pick from office if given a choice. This is a stupid game we play.

She: What ? You guys play this game. Fuck! Tum log sahi mein losers ho?
Me: LOSER ! hahah.. yeah That we are. See We don’t work, we enjoy yet we get paid so much. Loser to hai hee..

Me: Neway, Chal kat, Lemme work. Will talk later.
She: Fuck You !

While I start again working on my computer, try to copy paste the codes from other window and writing the report, compiling and correcting syntax errors which I am continuously recieving after compilation of the codes. A pop sound comes !!
POP POP and there is an orange bar on my window desk blinking….

Joerose saying : Hey what do you guys talk about ?
Me : Why you getting interested, I thought you give a shit to our losers talk.

Joerose saying : Well, That I do, Tell me whom do you think I should go out with
Me: ummm ! I said Akshat

Joerose saying: Don’t talk about him please. You know what, Yesterday while he left his cellphone on my desk he got a call. As I picked up a woman started abusing me. I knew it can only be Akshat who can do such stuff which makes a woman abuse.
Me: What ? Really ! that son of a bitch told us that he is still dating that girl Akriti.

Joerose saying: I told you he is a jackass.
Me: Then may be Avik. He is the boss. You will definitely like that.

Joerose saying: Well If you want then may be I should. He is Ofcorse fabulous.
Me: Fabulous, my ass.

Joerose saying: What, He is better than you atleast.
Me: Jaa joe.. Jaa uske paas jaa.. 10 din mein break up karega.. tab jab laat padegi then u l realize.

Joerose saying: Who said I am looking some serious stuff, Just you know.. to kill time. After all Who falls in love these days. They never last. You know that. Don’t you ?
Me: Lisn I need to work. You do whatever you want to do.

Joerose saying: You are so fucking jealous. Saurabh Shekhar getting jealous. That is funny. Never knew you could be like that.. possessive kinds.
Me: Why would I be possessive of you. After all who are you to me

Joerose saying: Ah ! Ofcorse afterall it was me who asked you out and you turned me down.
Me: Oh my godddd... I asked you once to come and have dinner that too coz I was getting bored. Will you get over it already? You are so naïve.

Joerose saying: How old are you?
Me: 23

Joerose saying: How old am I?
Me: 42,

Joerose saying : ha ha not funny. I am 24. and you calling me naïve.
Me: exactly, you are so childish.

Joerose saying: You know what, you are so fucking irritating.
Me: That I am. Bye.

Joerose saying: Fuck you.
Me: Hey ! I remember, have you seen this movie called “ 40 year old virgin”starring Steve Carell(it would be funny). You wanna go. I am going tonight after work

Joerose saying: Fine. I don’t have my room-mate either. She has gone back. I l get bored anyways.
Me: Thanks for the invitation, but I have a well furnished house.

Joerose saying: You are an asshole.
Me: Like you aren’t.

Joerose saying: See ya at 7. We can take my car, I need to refuel anyhow
Me: I said, I have a well furnished house.

Joerose saying : Oh Please.. don’t even think about it. Anyhow Avik’s coming to meet me tonight.
Me: Then go with Avik for the movie, Bhojpuri movie lagee hai.. “ Humka aisa waisaaa na smajhaaa.. . Don’t stick to me.

Joerose saying: WHAT?
Me: Nothing. Now listen, Lemme seriously work. I have got tonne of work. Trust me one day we will be fired.

Joerose saying: Yea sure. See ya later.
Me: Yea, whatever.

You see , between me and Joerose there is unsensed heat, unkown love and some jealousy, passion in the loins ;-), connection of friendship, love, lust growing cutting all the boundaries and growing at a such a high rate that the office romance regulations, practicality, world everything becomes immaterial. They are gonna fall in love and it would be awesome time for both of them.

These things happen in everyone’s life. U deal and u move on. You copy me. U deal and you move on….

Future Saurabh, Remember when you were sitting on your bed and writing these stuff and thinking how 10 years down the line you have forgotten everything and now you are happy with your new life.

I know there is no point trying to remember these days. They were the worst, but may be this has happened for everyone’s good. I sent a message to the trio (She, myself and him, Dunno if they read it.)

Sam, You are definitely right on you part.
Me : I am also right on my part
Whatever ur name is : You are also right on your part.

Tum Se Hi

2007-12-18T01:42:00.001-08:00

As i said earlier... I want to talk but what comes out is a chuckled laugh with no sound...

Attention Problem !

2007-12-09T20:16:00.000-08:00

Bhagwan ji:

I said, I dont have anyone to talk to.

Bhagwan Ji: You talk to yourself already so much. What else do you want to talk about ?

I don't like crying.

Bhagwan Ji: What do you want me to do ?

Nothing. Just be here. Listen. That's all.

Bhagwan Ji: Listen you asshole, people are actually dying out there, someone is being born crippled, someone is getting lashes by other people for crime they didn't commit. A child is hungry and all he is doing is licking eaten mangoes and bananas from the dustbin in Kolkatta. I have so many important things to do and you have lost nothing. Let me go.

Yea ! I do understand, a bit late may be. Thanks for speaking up finally. I won't call you again. I know you have things to do. bye.

Bhagwan Ji: Bye.

And he was gone. And I never called God again for help. It's December 10th 2007 today. 10 years from now on Dec 10, 2017 I hope the world is a better place to live in for everyone. I will miss this day a lot.

If only..

2007-12-08T10:53:00.000-08:00

and all which comes out of my mouth is a chuckled laugh with no sound.

I heard you long time back !

2007-11-30T15:47:00.001-08:00

ahhh !!! please. that hurts

2007-11-30T04:40:00.000-08:00

Oh my god..Please god, I really wish I don't see that dream again. Please. Spare me. Please.

"Saurabh"

Conversations with God

2007-11-28T05:00:00.000-08:00

You know what was I thinking the other day. It is sweet but ironic?

God : What exactly?

Ah.. there u go.. What happened? U weren't talking..?

God: I don't like talking to you when it's worthless talkm, but this doesn't seem worthless

Fine ! So I was thinking when she l grow and have babies and all, would she tell them the truth who loved her the most?

God:

u there

God:

oh my god ! fine I was thinking what shd i do with "my thing"

God: umm that's a question I was thinking too. What would you do with that?

I wanted to name my daughter that.

God: You having kids, r u crazy. Dont bullshit with me?

Ah! Exactly how about "hiding"

God: You can't do that forever?

Chuck God ! Isn't there any break ups in heaven? Like angels and all u knw with other angel,s ome devil wooing angel?

God: Not Really. They aint like you.

What's that suppose to mean. You still don't like me.

God: No I don't. You are not understanding. I have communicated to you through every possible way. She, him, bhaiya and even me. Didn't I. Remember I didn't say a word that time too.

I slept at ur doorstep for hours. It was cold too.

God: Stop Saying it. I don't like that. It was really gesture for a person like you but cummon you also know I cannot help you here?

When do you ever?

God: I will ! You will be happy then.

Will I ?

God: You will Saurabh. Ur life is precious... Save it for me.

Thanks. I really appreciate your support. Just keep her happy and keep me in control.

God: I help those who help themselves.

I miss her.

God:

Just say it once.

God: Dont Worry.

Thanks. Now lemme go to study. Got exam.

God: haan chal kat.. hehe

U r unbelievable.

God: Thats y I am GOD.

Bye !
God: bye.

Answer me Bhagwan Ji....

2007-11-26T02:24:00.000-08:00

I wish I could only give her letters I have written. God, Can I ?

Bhagwan Ji:

Why can't guys love themselves as much as women ?

2007-11-23T22:08:00.000-08:00

Enjoy ladies !

I shave my legs,
I sit down to pee.
And I can justify any shopping spree.
Don't go to a barber, but a beauty salon.
I can get a massage without a hard-on.

I can balance the check book,
I can pump my own gas.
I can talk to my friends about the size of my ass.
My beauty's a master piece and yes, it takes long.
At least I can admit to others when I'm wrong.

I don't drive in circles, at any cost;
And I don't have a problem admitting I'm lost.
I never forget an important date.
You just gotta deal with it, I'm usually late.

I don't watch movies with lots of gore.
Don't need instant replay to remember the score.
I won't lose my hair, I don't get jock itch.
And just cause I'm assertive, don't call me a bitch.

Don't say to your friends, "Oh yeah, I can get her."
In your dreams, my dear, I can do better!
Flowers are okay, but jewelery is the best.
Look at me you idiot... Not at my chest!!!

I don't have a problem, with expressing my feelings.
I know when you're lying, you look at the ceiling.
DON'T call me a GIRL, A BABE or a CHICK.
I am a WOMAN. Get it? You DICK!?!

2007-11-20T21:12:00.000-08:00

Have you left me forever ?

46th night was the scariest.

2007-11-20T13:25:00.000-08:00

Maa, You remember when I was in Scindia, I used to write letters how much I missed you all. Well I used to tell you that I am doing pretty awesome in studies as well as sports and kept on asking you when would you come to meet me. And when sometimes you said that Papa and you are making some plans and I instantly used to negate it and say " Just chuck it Maa, Needn't come ! I am doing fine"

Bhaiya Remember I asked you once "what should I do now?" and you said " Don't worry, Just don't be afraid" I still remember them so distinctly that today I am not afraid of anything. Really anything.

This girl I love so much said to me today " My new guy is irritated of you too ?" I didn't intially realize what was she trying to do. Was she trying to hurt me or anything else. Then I felt that all what she is trying to convey is "Don't mess with my life anymore, I am really happy with him. The more you mess, I get sure of the fact that you don't love me anymore as you used to" And I thought to drop the phone down. Guess what, My intention to call was something really genuine and at the end it became a mere reason for enroachment.

Suck it up Saurabh. Just suck it up. After all that's what you wanted, remember. But you didn't know it's gonna be that brutal. But it's okay. Somethings are just out of your control.

I want to marry this girl. I really want to marry this girl. I will really love her and keep her happy. She is the ultimate bitch and she tops it. She has as much ego as I have, She is the queen. You know, I never thought a person like her can change my mind. But 3 years down the line , I have so much respect for myself and her that I feel happy that we will keep each other happy. But there is irony, she won't marry me. And the more I would enroach her life, she will definately never.

ahhhhhhhhhhhh.................Bhainchod, Madharchod, Behan ka taka,Bhonsri Wala, Teri maa kee choot mein chhipkali ka ****, harami ke aulad, randi ke aulad, gadhe ka lund, laude ke baal, gaandu, gaand ka baal, bhadwe ke chhathhi aulad, Suarr ke aulad,it can go on....and the worse i haven't used it.
(Huh What was that for ?) I abused myself.. I just abused myself honestly.

Bhaiya, when I really get angry then I use these lovely words. It's not to abuse.Sometimes when one shout these words loudly it takes the frustration out. Just like when we were preparing for JEE and some question is not getting solved, we made sure we won't get up till that question is solved. Kinda makes you feel relieved. Rest of you, cummon don't be so amazed everybody in this world uses it.

When Gautum Gambhir can say so openly in front of whole country " Teri maa kee chut" to Shahid Afridi, why can't I. I am not fucking afraid of my parents knowing the truth.

Just for the record.. it wasn't for u or ur guy. Trust me, It was for me... Just stay happy Sanyukta. I l cherish every moment, I cherish every moment.

Sanyukta

2007-11-19T18:48:00.001-08:00

In my last blog I wrote, “its not worth talking about things I like”. But then let’s give it a try for a change. I am just trying to talk about the most difficult topic so the one concerned needn’t get worked up if he doesn’t like something about it. When people generally talk to me about it I just tend to ignore them because I myself don’t know a reason why we are together. There’s no answer to why I love someone and no reason to it. People have made this word so commercialized that the word sounds filthy at times. Everyone who knows us, including ourselves think we are exactly opposite. He an extrovert, a social animal, true he can talk about anything and can make you laugh. He says, he likes people who are extroverts, diplomats, intelligent and can flaunt it well. I wonder what he saw in me, I don’t have any of that in me. I am an introvert, don’t take me as shy because whenever I open my mouth I might be just sarcastic or blunt, I am terrible at socializing with people. In front of the crowd I would hardly talk, and if I do either I would sound like shit to them and some so happening people would even take me as “gawaar”. I would hardly talk about things I know cos I know people either fail to understand or they act as if they are attentive and you sound so interesting, I wonder how many of them actually get into their head what others talk, so I decide being shut. Nor that I enjoy extroverts, and my guy who claims so much to be an extrovert I wonder how much he talks about himself. He would talk about everything else but he would hardly open his real self. Somewhere I feel even like me he’s trying to fit in this crowd, the crowd we both might be hating at some point of time, just that we have chosen different ways for that. We both might be selfish in some way and still we both wouldn’t think am I happy with other but rather we would be worried about is he/she happy with me?
I wouldn’t be able to write down what in gets inside me when I am with him. I can fall off to sleep with him without anything going in my mind, a peaceful sleep which I would be wanting since ages. I can talk, talk and talk more when he gets conscious about it. I smile when he gets irritated and then I would irritate him all the more. I can get drunk till the time I don’t throw up without worrying who would carry me home. But I would surely eat his mind next morning asking how embarrassed did he feel seeing me drunk like that? When he would hit on other girls I wouldn’t feel angry but I would feel bad more thinking he isn’t happy with me. And I am sure he would feel the same, the only thing is I don’t hit on other guys neither on girls.

This is getting all the more difficult to write, I generally take an hour or so to write something but this I have been trying from last three days. I don’t know what else about us, coming to think of it I don’t even want to know what’s between us, for all I know is that I love him, no matter what he does and no matter what I do in the outer world he would be still there.

Long back he once told me, that the problems we have now are like small barriers and then there would be one day, the big balloon day we cal it where the balloons refer to happiness. And so much like a fairy tale I would wait for that day to come, for all I know now is that I love him.

The more you grow, you begin to hate the world even more

2007-11-15T18:40:00.000-08:00

I am trying to become such a wannabe. I don't know what else to say...Seriously. May I l post again in sometime. Not today.

KILL ME !

2007-11-06T21:16:00.000-08:00

I am a motherfucker, asshole, psycho, unethical bastard, who has got nothing in life, no friends, no love from anyone except (family well, they are always there.. so its sort of understood),no empathy, no ethics, no rule which govern me, no aim. a perfect loser. I just want to prove to myself that I am a loser.

Bhaiya I love you very much. Sanyukta I love you very much But I am gonna die trying to come up to fulfill the expectations of you both. I can make impossible possible if I wish to. I can do anything which you wish me to. I thought love is so unconditional that people don't expect anything from each other but it aint true. There is one thing i.e You shouldn't leave the person alone.I am not sure why I am trying to show my true colours to the world. May be now it doesn't matter to me.

Well, I l try telling to the world what am I.Please no interference and well judgements and comments and spitting on me is allowed coz that's the world I belong to.

It was a long day for me at the top a building, Exams just got over. I scored pretty good in school especially in maths and science. Teachers congratulated me yet I was dull. I was missing home. It was autumn of 1998.

The weather outside was damn nice. Chilly, raining, happy, laughter all around even though my friends..(so called) had scored miserably. I didn't miss home at that time. I missed someone who can understand me. Till do day no one has. No-one.
So I was moving in the corridors and someone kicked my ass. I gave a plain smile coz that didn't matter to me at all. So I went to the roof top and looked around and I cried. I don't know why but I did cry. At the end I think I cried coz I made my family happy. Coz when they would hear the news that I did well in exams and in sports they are gonna be happy. That's all mattered to me. But somehow I wanted my brother not to be happy. I wanted him to understand that I don't like all this. But it's too hard if you don't say it clearly on his face.

One day, I told him what I am. He made me understand and I understood that he atleast won't leave me alone in this world. I am also sure that I won't leave him.

So you see that At the end all it matters is IF I WILL LEAVE THE PERSON ALONE. I didn't know there is ego, self respect, self esteem, dunno what else which matters in love. I am just talking stupid but I am writing it so that I don't forget the feelings which I had. Time tries healing and I know everybody is healed eventually but there are somethings I had never forgotten and would never forget.

I won't leave you Sanyukta. I WONT.and I would love you a lot. Yes ! I am still the same person. I always loved you. I will always you. But yes I did what I like to do. I don't expect anything from you nor I thought you would expect anything from me. I always told you come to me but I guess your self respect, ego, nature is more important than anything in your life. For me, I have always lived my life trying to fulfill other people's expectations. I try and I fail. I again try and I again fail. I have no attitude or whatsoever.

I can't beleive how can a person at the age of 23 or 24 commit for the entire life. I mean all I knew is I loved her. That's all. I loved her. When Monica Bellucci would walk naked every guy would like to see that. There is no right and there is no wrong. She is right on her part and I am right on my part. If she tells me that, other person can love you more than I can. Then I l say " BULLSHIT" What would he do to prove. Not see other girls if she is hot or tell her everyday ..Yes Darling I love you so much. How many times would you say... COUNT COZ I WILL SAY MUCH MORE THAN YOU EVER WOULD BE ABLE TO. Tell me how much Abhay. How much would you love her. Would you be able to love her that much that when she (suppose, I know she won't do it ever) sleeps with other guy you would not say anything. I won't say anything if she does anything with anyone. Fine I might get upset.But my love is so solid that it won't go anywhere.

I will never marry. I will go to Amsterdam and fuck girls. I will fuck whichever girl I want and she is ready. I will do that for the rest of my life. I won't do that Sanyukta if you are with me coz then it doesn't matter how anyone near me is. I was happy with you every second and I tried keeping you happy too. Because once you commit, I don't know but suddenly there are rules. There are rules like you cannot kiss any girl, kiss any guy and you can imagine the rest. That's y I said I was single every time a girl asked me. I loved her but that doesn't mean I am committed. I think all of you would be laughing.. 21yrs mein saala hero ban raha hai. I just hope you people are right.

Mom, Dad, didi, bhaiya, bhabhi, jiju, Ayush ( well, you are too young to listen to this). ALL of you listen. That's how I am. That's how I will be for the rest of my life. I have lived 21 years of my life and I know what I am. Please don't preach me. Please don't. I will make a career as you people wish me to. I will try doing my best to keep you guys happy. So much happy that nothing would matter to me. No one mattered to me when I was young, not any of my friends, nor my school, all the people who mattered to me were you people.
PLEASE KEEP ENCOURAGING ME PAPA COZ I LIKE THAT.

Sanyukta Everybody is listening, everybody. Don't come back to me. Be happy with the guy you like. Don't try coming back to me. You won't be able to sacrifice for me. You won't . You aren't that strong. Let me be pathetic human being. PLEASE LET ME BE WHAT I AM. I try changing for you badly. I tried and I tried but all you tell me is that I made you sad. Ajeeb haal hai. Sach bolo toh bhainchoddd.. sab yehi boltey hai.

I l see in near future, who can love you more than me. Let me just see. Abhay You are a nice guy so are your friends. Keep her happy. Keep her really happy. I just wish you guys be the happiest people in world.

Tc fellas.
Saurabh.

PS:
I know it isn't even right to express to you. I just hope I am immaterial to you. Coz for me everyone is immaterial. That leaves the blog only for me. ONLY for me. Incase Abhay is there too.. Read it with him and laugh on me for this stupidity.I l just brood, hehe.. by the way u should start hating me now and spit on me, i have no self respect, pride, self esteem, whatever u have. chhod.. bekar hai yeh sab. Lemme be alone.

and yes believe me I will acknowledge what we had.

Abhay !

2007-11-06T05:51:00.000-08:00

1. Tu to Mera bhai hai...
2.You know i am not drunk...
3. Gaadi mai Chalaunga...
4. Tu bura mat manana bhai...
5. Mai teri Dil Se Izzat Karta hu...
6. Abe bol daal aaj usko, aar yaa paar....
7. Aaj saali Chad nahi rahi hai kya bat hai...
8. Tu Kya samajh raha hai, mujhe chad gayi hai...??
9. Ye mat samajh, ki piye me bol raha hu...
10.Abe yaar kahin kam to nahi padegi itnee...
11. Chhote, Ek Ek Chhota aur ho Jae...
12. Mujhe mat Sikhaaaaaaaaa.
13. Yaar magar tune mera dil tod diya...
14. Kuchh bhi hai par saala Bhai hai Apna...
15. Tu Bolna Bhai, kya chahiye...Jaan chahiye ,hazir hai ???
16.Abe mere ko aaj tak nahi Chadee...sharth laga saala aaj tu..
17. Chal teri baat karata hoon usse, phone number de uska...
and the most common of Abhay's lines.....

18 . Yaar aaj uski bahut yaad aa rahi hai..

When Abhay gets drunk he says all this. He is really funny.. I bet he would be hilarious :

Leo ofcorse…looks like he is the best of the best…I don’t compare but I am sure he would be nearly Saurabh Kumar (He is brilliant for this world, A student in my department, pretty damn good person in everyone's perception) of Amity. The same poised Leo,extremely funny with pranks and with pride, everybody flocking around him for their problems and he is solving it patiently, even if it’s the last thing he wishes to do. He would do anything for his good friends. He likes talking about others than himself and makes people feel good about them. Don’t feel like I am giving you compliment, its how you might be. It’s my imagination.

Ab main pee kar bolunga “aaj uski bahaut yaad aa rahi hai ” Wow. That’s what is called break up.Do you understand this Saurabh. Sanyukta, you are absolutely with the person you always deserved. Now he must have fallen for you so bad that you would be in 7th heaven.

School Horse Captain.. without any further do I bring to you... Abhay Sinha. Shucks !!! He would be the most matured guy, really sensitive and helpful. Girls find him cute, ofcorse he would be. His friends trust him coz he would never ever hurt them. He would talk about his friends to girls and make funny comments in funny tones. I always knew what u expected. I can tell there would be more than 1 girl who has a crush on him. Somehow she is just not saying, Sahi situation hoga Amity mein. Sometimes such people make me feel like I should ask them for sympathy too or I would say ..Gimme a shoulder too man so that I can cry for her. I am sure you won’t mind doing that coz you won’t judge me. All he cares about is that she deserves a better guy than I am. Well! Right you are. Even I think the same coz she is the best girl a guy can have.

Friends and Family would mean the world to Abhay. He would also confide a lot in his girl and expect her not to tell anyone. Ofcorse he is secretive. His friends feel that Sanyukta and Abhay are the perfect match and Sanyukta. She knows what she is doing. Abhay is way better human being than I am. He can love you and can keep you protected and can respect you and all he want would be that his pride should not be hurt. Well Sanyukta has pride and ego too so they would be lion and lioness of their den.

I am fucking sympathetic crying wimp who says I can watch u both together. And like in movies they say “If you love her really, you want her happy” Fucking stereotyped movies. Comparing always with real life. Well they never can come even close to real life.

When she wrote those lines “ tell me I am sinner I got news for you” I sometimes feel there is so much more to this line. Anyway Chuck it.

Abhay must have been through all this. I mean he must have had a girlfriend too. I don’t know what happened between them but it mustn’t have been good. She and Abhay are both very matured of their ages and try not talking and digging past thinking that new day would bring new hopes and new life.

I am the 12th sign of the Zodiacs. I have culmination of everything. Believe me, nobody forgets things so easily, yes they go at the back of the mind and you don’t want to remember probably but if someone who has a strong memory would bring back all those you would remember. Be matured, be quiet, live life to the moment, trust me it makes ur life better. Sanyukta You must be so happy. I am really happy.

I can understand that people never change they try to build only shields on them to protect themselves. But it’s not that their true nature changes.

Abhay, A word for you. She is a gem. I know you know that. She is really a beauty. If your relationship goes long and you guys fall in real love then read my mail.

Love her like you love your family angel. She would do everything even if it takes to fight the whole world. She has as much ego as you have.. trust me she has as much ego as you have... but don’t ever let her sacrifice it. I know you both have strong minds and are very practical so you guys must be perfect for each other. I am just pathetic and by writing it I am making it more pathetic. I just hope for both of you I shouldn’t matter at all. That would be the best. But these things give me satisfaction. I am selfish Saurabh.

I love you Sanyukta and all these times I did love you to the core. I don’t compromise ever for anyone but I l try my best for you. I live in my fantasy world and I thought you would love to be a part of mine. I know you did like many things. Anyway I have missed many words here and I don’t want to talk about it to anyone. I l be realistic.. come down from my fantasy world. At the end its all about me. Selfish Saurabh. Selfish Saurabh, Selfish Saurabh, Selfish Saurabh.

I have protected myself from all pains and my shield is very strong. Nobody enters inside to hurt me. When one person went inside and I let her thinking she would understand and be happy but won’t hurt me, all she tells me now that she wasn’t happy and my shield broke.

Sanyukta, Abhay just be happy. Sanyukta I love you a lot and I really mean it. Abhay, you won’t be able to love her more than I will. I won’t compete with you since there is no point. You have too much pride to talk to me and Sanyukta, she has too much ego to let her past come between you and her.

I don’t wanna say anything about you,

I feel I have even fucked with my mother, or infact with my whole fucking family. You have no idea how it feels when you feel like that. Nobody has any idea about that. NOBODY. It’s a disgusting pathetic orgasm.

All which is left to add this is a real physical pain of wars and sadistic killing or may be losing lives. One day when everyone in my family and you would die, there would be this pain. Death anyway awaits everyone. I pray to GOD, just don’t hate me for what I am. Trust me I never intended to be and today I can talk about all this coz for the first time someone changed me back to the innocent boy as I was a small child. I owe her everything and worst part is that she won’t come back to me anymore.

PS: I have missed many things here..So dont start commenting. I don't need anyone's comment. It's my blog for myself.

Love

2007-10-29T02:22:00.000-07:00

This is something really atrocious to talk about. I never have spoken in my life how I feel about anyone because it doesn't matter to me how he or she is. The only thing which matters to me is existence of him/her. That's it.

I don't want to forget things. I don't like having bad memory. I want to remember everything which has happened in my life completely and clearly, but I still forget. I am really not the guy I look from outside. I am selfish, I am only concerned about myself, really stubborn and I prefer things doing my way because I know I am right. That's all.

I don't deserve people who are good in nature. I should be with people who kick my ass, who can make me miserable and leave me lying in the corner of the slum where people come and spit and go. I can tolerate everything in my life except people trying to change my decision. I want people to judge me and tell me " what a piece of shit i am?" Coz that's what I am.

I am terrible person. I like what I cannot be or have ever. I try not to accept things which are true. I love a girl very much. She once told me that she loved me because she didn't want me sad. That's all. The love was unconditional. She was pure and I did the same all these years. When she was next to me even the hottest girls passing next to me dint matter to me. She was the world for me. All this time I just kept hearing her. I loved her antics, her jokes, her constant irritating nature, if I looked closely it was myself doing the same thing to other people. I hate the rest of the people in this world. They speak and the words are just out of my head. I have no idea why even i talk to them. Everything looks phony.

Me and her , we are alike we have done similar things for each other without any complaints, we have done everything to make each other happy. It was such a thing that for the past 3 years I didn't even let her meet anyone coz no one mattered to me. Nor my friends, nor my things which i liked , I never told her anything about me, I thought it was selfish to make her listen. She told me whatever when she wanted to and I had no complaints. When I slept next to her it was like I had no qualms ever. I could have asked for nothing more.

Today she is happy with someone else. Let her be. I don't wanna impose anything on her. I just want her happy.I sometimes imagine how happy she is with him and it doesnt even freak me out. No matter what a piece of shit you people tell me I am. Yes, I am. Now what ???

Sanyukta, if ever you would give me a chance I would have fed you with my hands, in evenings when the sun is about to set and its fucking boring at times I could have made you really happy.I would have taken you to Venice. I remember when I saw the lake in the night there. You were the first thing that came in my mind This love (at the age of 21) surely would look stupid to my papa, mummy and family. They would tell me..Move on. Be the asshole you have always been coz the world is like that. Just love yourself. That's what I am doing.

Sanyukta, All I know for now is I love you and I feel that I could love you more than anyone. At times these words relationship, commitment, fuck nothing matters, all what matters is to see the other one happy. But damn things have to be practical live in this world.

But everything is true. I am just like you.
Saurabh.

Incest atlast

2007-08-28T19:13:00.000-07:00

You know this is something mindblowing. You understand mind-blowin, it will really blow your head off and I would be more shocked if you tell me you knew it yet never talked about it.
Fucking South Indians. They are fuckers man and not metaphorically speaking. I always thought they are pretty reserved and their tradition is so orthodox, ofcorse I don't know any of their traditions just that when you see them there is a vibe that they are very good, not mean, happy, hardworking people who always do what their parents tell them to do. This is something good until “live “ (read backwards) happened.

Did you know that INCEST IS LEGAL FOR SOUTH INDIANS ( I don't know which south indians I am talking about, but definately a lot of them). They can fucking fuck their cousins. They are allowed to and wait for it... it's coming.. BY the CONSENT of their parents ! ( Nailed it )

Fucking Fuck !!! My rakhashabandhan couldnt be ruined any more badly. Huh.
and those of you who are wondering what I am talking then I will tell you the broader concept.

In south India ( I dont know which parts, but many parts so dont argue !!) they do not consider their mother's brother daughters as sisters and they are allowed to marry them. Girls are allowed to marry their mother's brother and also their son[Mama and his offsprings] . Similarly the boy can marry his father's sister and her daughters [bua and her offsrpings]. Practically you know what I am saying. Only sisters they have is their real ones and their mother's sister daughters or sons.[Mausi's offsprings].

They say since their mother and her brother is opposite sex hence their children is not their cousins. And forget about their mother's cousin children, they are ofcorse allowed to marry them. I know that in Greek mythology even Gods commited incest, but that's not the case here. It's something else.
IMAGINE:

1. You live on the border of A.P and if your neighbour is south indian and suppose one day when ur friend meets your family like you and your mama’s daughter he can practically joke with you and ur cousin sister...Like Oh my god ! are you guys doing, without any hesitation of disgust and it can be in front of both of ur parents. Did you see this coming from him in years?

2. If I have a sister, my cousin can do my sister and I can do his sister with the consent of our parents, and in case things work out well their could be marriages of all 4 of us together. Cousins marrying cousins ! see where this is going ?

3. Since it's 2007 I know people are much broadminded and outspoken and all crap about talking birds and bees are on All India Radio, so lets cut to the chase. You know what these people do. Practically if a guy likes his cousin [ I would still say cousin, coz even if they don't because for us it's always cousin]. So if a guy like one of his 4 sister cousins, she is a bit younger.They are so shrewd that they wait until the elder ones get married so that when she is the one left, the guy would ask his uncle if I can marry her and then they happily live ever after. So these people choose among her cousins the hottest one and they marry them. huh !!!

4. This is not a joke! I have my friends, across my room having this in their houses His name is T.S Bhargava, B Tech 4th Year, DPT, IIT Roorkee. Other accomplices are Obul Reddy, Vamsi Murthy Krishna, R. Abhishek, Siva Kiran Josyula, Mehul Doshi (he has issues), Anwar Pasha Shaik. These people are are my batchmates living normal live seeing incest( for us) in their house daily. Well Anwar Pasha is another exception. He is a muslim and a south indian. So his benefit is he can have Four Wives+ all of them can be his cousins or choose it from below.

Allowed Network of Marriages in South India with Parent’s Blessings :

(click on it to get a BETTER VIEW) This day couldn’t have been ruined any further. Happy Rakshabandhan.

~ €uro£rip ~

2007-07-04T01:10:00.000-07:00

Well, long time huh ! I have got so much to talk about that words aren't good enough for expression, so while I leave for eurotrip i have a few things to keep you amused. Look Below

~Såuråbh ~
:D

Finnish bonanzaa

2007-07-04T01:01:00.003-07:00

Badboys

2007-07-04T01:01:00.001-07:00

the pursuit of happyness

2007-02-06T23:59:00.000-08:00

That's how you hit ?
Whatt?? no ! I paused.... nooo ! . I just meant to sit here because cafe is all full.

And?
and I saw the chair in front of your couch so I assumed you two arent using it?

So?
so.... oh !!! wow ! Can i sit here? It's really awkward tht people are looking at me and wondering, what exactly is he doing? You are so cheeky

CHEEKY..you calling me cheeky... ! she laughed.

Okay thts it ! I said.I am sitting down. If you wanna leave you can leave, there is isnt any place here to sit and these are two wonderful chairs which are waiting to be used?

Leave .. why would I leave. I can see her friend smiling, as if what exactly is our point. No legitimate conclusion and yet a controversy.

ok... umm.. whats her name. i asked her friend. She smiled widly, looked with the corner of her eyes to her friend and said "Sripriya".

Shripriya.

Yeah! yamini replied. I think her face said " YEH ! m yamini"

I smiled and giggled.. sort of getting nervous. I wasnt profusing but my leg was vibrating a bit since i didnt seat myself comfortably... I wasnt speaking anything

Say Something... ! Anything....(umm...) ....OH MY GOD ! this is longest a boy has never spoken ( Fuck forget her... no chance )

I picked up the glass of water from the table and took a sip. so what have u guys ordered?

Nothing. yamini said !

okay neway.., do u like truffle ! its on me.. since you have managed the conversation of " letting me sit or not " let it go. I smiled !

Ha Ha Ha ! You knw why I let you sit. !!! Because you were standing for like 1o minutes long... with your head down to us. I felt sympathetic.
( SARCASTIC...fuck she was really good.. not so easy.. )

I said "Thanks! Anyway"

So which college you guys from?
Yamini repied promptly... since she had done being quiet and watching. KNC !

KMC.

No ! kamlanehru..

which course.?

hahahahaha They both started laughing hard !... ...whhhatt ??..( Man... I needed a wingman!! i ws relly nervous.. they were like" me and aryaman". I hoped Aryman would have bin there with me. 2 truffles arrived.. no-one touched it.. )

Whre you from..? IIT
(FUCK I said the wrong word.)... roorkee was yet to be added. hahahahahahha

ohkk..in iitd u r ppl r having a tech fest. right..?
m in roorkee. iit roorkee. I said.

yamini finally took the spoon to have the truffle. she was busy sippin coffee. i had truffle. it calmed me down but yet i was dreaming!

Sripriya said finally" do you knw anyone in iitd ?"
yea! Aryaman. He is a good freind of mine. Why u ask tht?

No actually, i have to do paper presentatio... yamini said " ayee...its 3. we got to go for the movie !"

oh fuck ! she looked dwn at me. n said.. i think i have to go. Are u coming for the movie.
NO ! (what, no.. you never ever say no to movie..) oh.kk.. neway.. hey... take this number then...call me. 9910678***. she said smiling WIDLY. with tht she took out her pen from the bag nd wrote it on the Napkin.

k, bye
bye.

and i looked throught the glass..suddenly everything changed as i saw her going... 5ft 6 inches.. in slippers..clean feet.. brown-black hair.. fair.. wowwww!! she looked at the coffee house (PASSION at priya, vasant vihar )once again. from distance n waved......

ohhhh wow... fuckk !!!....I was so damn anxious. she was waving, the number was thr on the napkin.

I just picked it up, payed the bill and came out.. I was laughin.. smiling.. The weather was so awesome ...since the retreating monsoon were generous... a drizzle on the grounds was visible ...and so was the chill in the air...I was clapping on my self..punching in air.. it was like this small little moment. called "HAPPINESS"
which had bursted in me like a orgasmic explosion hehehe....I was like Will Smith in the movie The Pursuit of HappYness.

Aye ! Blood is thicker than water.

2007-01-13T22:54:00.000-08:00

“ Certainly ! Papa “ I said, since the question was so clichéd.

It was once again that cold evening at my house. The room was hot. Me, Papa and Maa were sitting in the dining room having some food. I think it was peas which my mom was peeling, and I happened to eat one by one.

So “GRE ! right”
Yup !

What about MBA.
Not interested. Or I would say not ready for it yet. I l do that later.

Well okay ! So Do do u do pranayam ?

I was actually thinking how Gurbani Judge is hot. Then my mind ran to the internship things, then the movies I have to download from torrents and then I shifted my eyes to the peas again.

“Sunta hee nahi yeh ladka” said Mom. Papa is saying something.

What happened ? I didnt know.I think I tried to be amusing. But I don’t think they were getting amused as much as I was. But neway I was already perturbed about the grades and my internship. So I said finally “ Why should I do pranayam?” This was the starting now you will see how things get out of hand...

Saurabh! You are restless and casual . Every time you need something to be engaged with. Whether its your laptop or the music with headphone constantly on ur ears, or its FOOD. You really aint hungry but you just feel you need to eat coz that’s something how you keep busy.

Mom ! You know what! I don’t wanna talk. I have lots of work to do. I mean do you think pranayam would help me here. No ! You people just sit down in patna and try to help me out in IIT. I mean how erratic is that. Okay ! you wanna help me, Help me here . I am giving you a case study. Tell me!

I studied this semester hard to keep my grades well. I attended classes fairly well. I scored good in the end. The dean gets upset coz of the low attendance and he forced the teachers not to give grades, for no fault of my own. Also I can’t complain Dean since we are his mercy. Papa things aren’t so simple to be solved. The intricacies are not so easy to comprehend and answer to. I don’t want anything from you people I have everything I want. All I want is you to trust me.

And then yadda yadda yadda… Finally It boiled down when I said “ I just don’t want you to stop me doing from anything. I would learn from my mistakes myself. The world is exploitation and I will do whatever I want.

THEN I SAID “ What if I want open a brothel”
Dad said “ Why do you wanna do that ?”

I replied “ NO reason ! It gives money and satisfaction.” I continued “Would you support me , atleast would you be with me “
It’s illegal here ! I l go to Denmark to do it. It’s legal there.

I don’t know what I was thinking. But all I wanted is that they should know the options are with me, and one fine day even if they find me trafficking arms and women, it won’t be a big surprise.
I said later “ It’s not what I intend to do “ I was just saying.
I am not telling you any further, though I also said I would do MS in" Romance, homosexuality and Lesbianiasm" from University of California (CALTECH) for my MS.” Well I think they won’t say no now. I am glad I did it.

Believe me ! when your blood relations are in front… you can’t even quench your thirst even the glass of water was right in front of me.

Un-titled

2006-12-10T06:58:00.000-08:00

I really don't think that a title was required for the post as it would be a waste of time for everyone but not me. So u can go ahead and read it or stop it right here.

I had watched a series of movies in the last few days. I downloaded every one of these over net and watched it to complete the quota. it started with Good Will Hunting. Then 8-mile, again ; I cant say much about Jimmy cuz he was simply awesome.The other one would be Forest Gump. I found these 2 movies too powerful.

Lord of War : A movie based about arms trafficking based on the real life of Victor Bout, an arms dealer. Awesome Execution. The first line was so intriguing. Nicolas Cage stating "There are over 550 million firearms in worldwide circulation. That's one firearm for every twelve people on the planet. The only question is: How do we arm the other eleven? " It was amazing.

Thank you for smoking: Believe me, you need to see what lobbyists can do. They can do miracles. Nick Naylor (the central character, chief spokesperson on behalf of ciggarattes) never hid the truth. He just filtered it.
Beside that you dont want to miss the sex between katie holmes and Nick. The way she is holding pans in the kitchen while he rocks her world holding her legs.

Requiem for a dream : One of my favorites ... Amazing acting by Jennifer Connely and Jared Leto. Very moving indeed. U need to watch it. I wonder why it didnt win Academy Award.

Pulp Fiction : You can't miss Quentin Tarentino. The gripping line was quoted repeatedly by Samuel "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am The Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you" BAM BAM BAM and the bullets poured in.

The Departed
The reviews were great. When TOI gave this movie 4 stars and mentioned the use of incestuous indian cursings along with the comment that its a movie that revived "The Godfather Trilogy"
I had to watch it. This genre of movies never go unnoticed. Never.

Sincity: I have absolutely no idea of what better a movie can be made than this.

Crash: This movie made me believe in God. Surely it was meant to win an Academy. I am glad I chose Crash over Brookback Mountain.

Mixed Doubles : I have mixed opinions but now I would stick back to my "orgy' concept than to experiment swapping.

Cruel Intentions 1 & 2: The first part had a sad ending, kind of ruined the excitement but the second part. It rocks.

A beautiful Mind: Jennifer Connely is hot and I think I resemble the character of Russell Crowe, though no-one would understand... pretty obvious. You should watch it once. His room no was 101 which was my school number in Scindia. That confirmed that my quirk wasnt imprudent.

The Shawshank Redemption
I forgot to mention but a solid story and the best prison break story you can ever see. I love Morgan Freeman.

Boys dont cry:
Lana and Brandon were for real. I didnt find the movie chilling. may be because I am cold but I think the real reason was that I knew the ending.

The blairwitch project
You watch documentry alone, now take a look at this.

Well the others which I have planned to see are : Schindler's List, LOTR, Ben-hur, Silence of the Lambs, Dead Poet's Society, Rear Window, Saw 2 and 3, The English Patient, The french connection, To kill a mocking bird and Rainman.
I l let you know about these too in a few months. and yea please temme more about some fantastic movies. I have excluded hindi coz they are shallow.

why people SUCK

2006-11-29T05:00:00.000-08:00

why? u bitches.. why. You r getting 24hrs/2mpbs wi-fi net, u have soaps to wash your ass, movies to inspire,knowledge to gain, so much food to eat in this world tht u gonna die lickin ur fingers, so much so that today there are so many bra companies in the world that if u smell her lingerie today probably u wont see her wearing for next fucken decade.

but after all this we still fucken need PEOPLE and i mean to exclude the chick being screwed above. Well, you see everything boils down to how you TREAT PeOpLe..

You will surf net continuously but all would u read and like is people. You watch videos of people, listen songs by people, read material of people, think big to show people, have sex with people (m not joking..) I have a girl. She is people. I hate her at times because I am bad with people. Some people are awesome and they won't even realise that and if they do they can't do a thing about because the moment he realisez that he wont go far.Thats the best part. If Abraham Lincoln became president after loosing for 16 long years, it was cause he knew he sucked in politics, he was not made for it yet he pursued his dreams to be 1. He did but that didn't change the fact he sucked politics. Similar goes with people. You just know you suck.... you can just make out that. Accept IT

I have accepted it. Funny though is that I hate to accept it everyday and everytime, you know why coz I cant do a thing about it. I change me but not you. FUK ...

but the thing which makes me going... and make me live this fucken nice LIFe is that ...I know.. I can be the person that would make every fucken being think "WHY PEOPLE SUCK"
thats the Irony.

movie: the break up

2006-11-08T05:21:00.000-08:00

I affirmatively did not consider the movie to be subtle, the only justification would be considered if Jenifer Aniston is a capricorn. She played an amazing character, and aye she looked nice. So Sanyukta asked me to watch the movie; she had her reasons.

I have a strong reason to believe and that I and every other guy imitates. Although I wouldn’t accept but everyone wants to be somebody else. I guess it’s high time that I shouldn’t associate the reel life to real life. At the end you should know that “It was just a movie” and “You are the boss of you”. You are not stereotyped. The last movie which did this to me was “Salaam Namaste” I hated it to the core, and it freaked me out.

Thats why I watched “the departed” yesterday. I wanted to watch it anyway. Well When Jack Nicholson walks the store to the boy and tells him “ You know, when I was your age they wud say that you could become cops or criminals but today what I am saying is this “When you facing a loaded gun, whats the difference”. Exaclty ! The kind of a movie I am good for.

And if you guys listening then back me up here.

india mite lose so njoy ADS

2006-10-25T01:20:00.000-07:00

Smoking KILLS ! but SLowly. Go and see below what happens...? WHOAAAA

Shalabh, Nishad, Bud Buddies Inc. Temme : Are you smokin the cigarrate or its vice-versa ???
Well ! so much so for now.

Ford SLVR Cannon "Coming Soon" i dont knw the brand, i forgot i just made it up. but the execution " Brilliant" !

The world's most beautiful game has blacks and whites. Remove RACISM. I just realised Blacks are in all the game. like today West indies.. black, soccer- no doubt, Athletics..marion jones, jhonson, maurice green n many., basketball: Do i need to answer that? Surely evrywhere.. that something good !

The Client : Playstation 2.

I told you dude. DO NOT mix alcohol WITH DRIVING. I dint get how he broke his leg while driving ... still pondering..

See it close if you dont get it. Its the "wonderbra" You know what " My son is gonna join this school or college, whatever"

Hahaha ... sometimes the good ideas are right infront of you. this is nice.. the alogan reads: Dont let the stain ruin your day. Use ARIEL.

Source: Incase u get more interested, it is Creative Criminal, the link is in sidebar.

I literally RAN

2006-10-17T02:43:00.000-07:00

I am really amazed at this point, and I am still running. Have u ever imagined running from the exam. I mean not leaving the examination hall but running and i am not speaking metamorphically.It happened many times in friends when Chandler was watching that broadway show and he had no other option. When Ross left Mondler after Monica found the refridgerator magnets and the house arrangements medled with. When Joey ran away from the music auditions where all he could teach his pupils was.. keeping ur hands near ur ears and saying WHEE..

time: 12:30pm : 16/10/2006
Dry Afternoon... Lazy sun up in sky doing its routine.
Examination: Mass Transfer. and Teacher :DEAN.

This is it. Sitting in the hall giving examination. For those of you who do not know I am in IIT. Examination began before the time I entered I guess so! the professors were at the front desk. I chose an appropriate seat for cheating which I always do.This examination was beyond our league and as I say our. its for all 3rd year guys of DPT who r cheering.. Whu Whoo Whu whoo.
Shank, Utkarsh, Yogesh and Rohit were sitting around me. They were blank too. No-one had even opened the book this time. Far off I can see Saurabh writing Metallica lyrics. He's fond of doing that, kind of a hobby. Shank was mesimerized in his thoughts, Must be busy thinkin abt his girl. (She has Honda city and Toyota Corrolla : PERSONAL) Yogesh is funny, he is scribbling, not in the notebook my friend, on the desk. Cool.. I mean Utkarsh, we call him COOL coz his yahoo id is "coolbudyya" is weird. He is being weird, that's all what he does.

Still as my eyes went ahead near the front rows, I could see them. Anwar, Vamsi, Bhargava, even Viswashanti (yea ! That indeed is a name and not a noise, my friend ).They were writing indeed. Wonder if they knew anythin or just write coz thats what they are famous for; Smart South Indians, lets not regionalize so we will call them " Haddu (hyderabad) Geeks" OR let it be "HEEKS" Kind of a cool name. Half an hour had passed, I didn't dare even to write my name on the paper. It was totally blank. For once I could see Gajju Sir ( BTech 4th yr Student. had been doing summer terms (repeating courses) every year. Presently: Still completing his course of electicals of 1st semester in his 8th semester. First semester he got E; He studied again and then he got F. Smokin..Isn't it) in me.

35 minutes passed: I looked around, No chits, no hope.

I thought to stand but fuck, my heart was pounding hard. Nehow I got up. I leaped to reach the other invigilator, I saw the professors waiting for me to reach them, but I deposited the blank paper 2 some lady and didnt even look back . I RAN AWAY. ..(I did indeed saw the people eyeing and someone shouting " Kya hua"?)

Terum pum pum pum...

2006-10-04T03:36:00.000-07:00

7 Words Every guy wants to HEAR.

Fine, Fine. I love you. Now Go.

Now,

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jfpspgnpgnpngpwagpnwpaegnawpngpagnpawnejwaetwpet[

awgkajhzsng[ahpajweghaphapmhaophaweh[ja[g[ama

this is fun

ha aha hahaaa

Cheerz !

shit happens

2006-09-13T21:19:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning with a bad headache. I wonder why. I don’t drink too often so this was new for me. It's like when things are not going the way you want, you end up messing with yourself nd ur past. A few days ago I was reading some shit and I really liked tis line “You won't think what others think of you if you know how seldom they do ". It has made me feel everything but embarrassed. It really works with everyone immaterial of the all facts. Believe me. Just remember this in all of your odd situations some of which may concur with these:

1. A gay encounter.
2. Beaten up by your junior.
3. Slapped by a girl of Mayo College..(:-#)
4. A gay encounter once again.
5. Odd things in the encounter.. (Let’s not even go there).
6. shitted in pants.
7. Peed in pants when you got slapped in a roll call line.
8. Thrown out from class from the only female teacher in school for sitting. (In an inappropriate position.)
9. I don’t know how I am gonna stop this.. (Stop harassing me guys).
10. Got caught stealing.
11. Got caught feeling.
12. Boycotted.
13. When mum told me when i was in 9th grade “to make ur energy flow towards positive direction.”
14. and when dad added “it will help u with ur studies " eeeee eeeee eeeee !

Vhue ! I l just give u all suggestions. Be careful in everything you do. It's an old saying:
For want of a nail, the horseshoe was lost,
for want of a horseshoe, the steed was lost,
for want of the steed the message was undelivered,
and for want of an undelivered message, the war was lost.

I really don’t care of the war but think about the massacre. .I dunno whom should I blame; me or my conscience. You know what I got nothing except to think, ponder and say to me

Shit Happens!

@shalabh...i needed this.

2006-09-04T00:38:00.000-07:00

source: http://whiskeytalks.blogspot.com/

REASON FOR DIVORCE:
Woman : i expected this =======>

atleast this ====>

but this ==> ???

MAN : I expected ()

atmost ( )

but THIS ( )......???

Lal Quila

2006-08-20T13:15:00.000-07:00

I liked the idea of writing it as Lal Quila rather than red fort. the sex n the idea was exhilarating...

It was all about imagination, had always been. I have understood a lot about myself. Seriously a lot. Firstly I would say that I love sux but am not actually so much fond of it, yet empty mind is a devil's garden where my mind loves to wander, so you can make out the irresistability. Secondly I am not a straight forward person, Thirdly and most important I become quite indecisive many times.
Yet there are times where all this concept is a mere bubble. where a poke can make it vanish so I shouldn't wory. Actually I was here to tell you about an amazing incident. You believe it or not is entirely your choice. It's a lie.
Lal Quila is a resort, a history, a place where maharani n ranis lived, were behind that purdah, peeping in and out to check out whats happening in the court of Akbar. It was a place where evrything had happened, from love to wars, defeats to wins, conspiracies to " coming evrything out in open" , trust to betrayl, passion to hypocrisy, infidelity to taboos. Sana n me were just walking down the chandni chowk when she popped up the question, " lets go in "
"What ? "
" No Seriously lets go in"
Well Had nothing to do. And I didnt want to go to V2 or DV8 and just grab a beer and smoke. I get disgusted with that sometimes. Like the idea of walking on grass bare foot, eating peanuts or sprouts talking to some haute chick like "Madchen Amick" from Joey .. who just knws the right thing to speak at right time. Immaculate..
So we finally went in.. Pretty high security coz of the Bomb Scare.
Finally we were roaming in..
We had met after a long time, after 2 years. She is presently in SPA Delhi 3rd year. We used to date earlierand we had chemisty..., believe me that was true. I asked her the usual stuff about her guy, her gurls i knew she wasnt straight.. always some kinky stuff was always on her mind. She was a scorpio. So finally not to make the usual moves or "my normal A game" I kissed her. God she responded well.

" I knew tht was coming Saurabh but neway I love it.. and she smiled cunningly"
I broke the kiss, later we went to the darkness and made out. She moved her hands on me and I moved mine. The talking in between were indeed funny, All she was saying was " What perverts are we?"
( I knew tht was coming.. i grinned )

Scream

2006-08-14T13:46:00.000-07:00

I just wanna scream loudly.

Really loudly, Please leave me alone in my room.
Saurabh !

2006-08-14T13:40:00.000-07:00

Eminem feat. Nate Dogg - Shake That Ass For Me

EMINEM.. the old one aint available now.. so lets c if this works

2006-07-21T14:14:00.000-07:00

Muskuraley Muskuraley

Tera Dil roshan, tera mann roshan toh jahaan roshan....

Awesome Execution

would miss ya Zizou

2006-07-12T05:28:00.000-07:00

that headbutt !

"Fuken liar Materrazi "

First Vierra, then Henry and
"Oh my god" now Zizou

legend bids goodbi.. wud miss ya man !

Hail Zinedine Yazid Zidane. Before I begin, let me tell you that any form of dire remark would not be accepted against the French. From the scene that was captured by the camera (cumon those can’t lie) Marco was the initiator. When he held him from back holding his shirt and crossed his hands against his chest, Zizou was cool.

He replied “You want my shirt, You can have it after the match!”

He replied in an insulting manner “that’s true”.

The captain was already tensed about the fact that Henry and Vierra are already out and just few minutes are left for the shootouts. And then that fucker called him a “Terrorist” for his Algerian origin, he was a victim of incestuous cursing (as rishi says) about his sister and his wife.

(sources: forensic lip readers)

Marco has insisted that he didn’t insult his mother or gave any racist comments.

“ Fucken liar” whadya think?

Whatever may be the case, Zidane would tell later. But I am happy that Zidane head butted him. Solid Shot! He should have taken stepping and kicked his ass with the golden boot.

Would have loved that!

I don't deny the fact that Italians were ofcorse awesome during the cup. Their team spirit, nerve and consistency of Buffon had showed that they could outplay any team easily, yet that was considered to be contemptuous soccer, I would say..., not like attacking Premierships and LA Ligas.

God is great.

2006-07-07T12:32:00.000-07:00

I really love ma new football shoes.

- Saurabh Shekhar

that, my friend is Ollie

2006-06-28T01:03:00.000-07:00

Now read this.. for those who think its so easy...

Place your back foot on the tail of your board with your foot elevated so its your toes on the tail and your heel in the air. Your front foot be about in the middle, now what you need to do is put about 70% of your weight onto your front foot and 30% on your back foot, make sure your stable standing like this, once you are you need to bend your knees so your closer to the skateboard, then at the same time a few things are going to happen you need to shift your weight to the back foot, slamming the tail onto the ground, when it hits the ground your front foot is going slide up the board to about right before the nose, while that is happening your going to shift most of the weight back to the front foot and pull your back leg up so its about level with your front foot, if you’ve done it correctly your board will follow your feet into the air and level out so when you come down you land right back onto it. If you don’t get the first try, don’t get discouraged as with anything it takes practice to accomplish, it took me about a week to actually Ollie, so just keep trying.

Tell me this aint no FAKE... I have tried this for weeks, either my board lands up 5 feet away, or I keep jumping on my skateboard while it keeps moving. Anyway i don't practise much but still.. I really think first hand experience would help.

Btw do you really think I should wear flat sole shoes... or black soles would also do ?
I l find it.

Small Ville ..World I mean

2006-06-23T10:13:00.001-07:00

I had been busy and nobody questions me now. I am bored of writing " stuff ". I mean this encyclopedia thing. I search and I spread. Somehow I don't feel the tinge.

The story isn't mine. It's about you and when I say you, you really have to be you while reading it. I would call him Sunder Das. Sunder really had enough, either it was his mother or his father; sometimes even uncles started their lectures. Finally one day he exploded. He shouted " You first do your thing and stop lecturing me" I know everything I l do it myself. Har samaye mere hee peeche padein rehte hai.

Solely he always thought he would never shout. His father suffered from high blood pressure, and his mother always failed to understand him. He was in a state of blank dilemma where he didn’t know whom to ask and what to ask, He wanted to commit suicide but he feared the height, didn't know swimming and neither had the courage to ask for poison from the shopkeeper so he dropped the idea. His friends were always happy, he didn't enjoy the company so much, and he felt like a waste of time. His hobbies, interests were crumbling. He started reading Secret Seven when he was 10 years old, later hardy boys, Nancy drew, famous five. Well ya ofcorse Sidney Sheldon undoubtedly managed to sweep him by his feet. Finally he read all his novels. Yet he could not remember what he read, what he learnt, he knew every game but he could not establish his focus. He was bright yet his parents didn't seem to have satisfaction.

He knew it won't stop, parents would continue, he knew why they say it. He imagined that they had suffered loads during their times which is unimaginable in today’s world, heard loads of stories from them.., they always wanted his bright secured happy future. " Goody goody life they always said “. He had heard this dozens of times.
He literally cursed himself for He knew they have fair chances to be right. Just because he had been given all comforts from his birth, he is literally incapable of realizing an orphan’s life, He bought a parker in class 10th, that's y he had lost 2 pens each month, can't even think about a boy of 22 years old, who has never held a pen in his entire life. He wore his first Nike at the age of 15 so can't imagine walking barefoot. Saw his father going to the office by their new Maruti 800 as he entered college that’s why can't even think that some people just go to the sewage line to find those tiny black fishes so that his family can have dinner.

Today Sunder's office is at Daryaganj with an average salary of 15000 per month, He had been going there from past 4 months doing the same old job. He knows he can but he simply can't
He expects too much from himself, but has failed always... but he is happy, you know why because he knows everything and believe me he really knows.

2006-06-11T02:04:00.000-07:00

The tagline read " It can happen anywhere"
How about this "Forgive me Father" !

Omg " PLAYBOY "

beta... bujhle ke naa. thts not AID ... Its AIDS !

For more crazy shit.. check out.. http://creativecriminal.blogspot.com/ ( in case u dint notice my sidebar)

itch in me !

2006-06-08T06:23:00.000-07:00

Just to fill up the silence with the small finger..

If you think u can you can,
else you r damn rite.

Justice Dynied

2006-05-25T04:59:00.000-07:00

Prison Sign Generator

On the serious note I would say “Saurabh, Get the fuck out of my class” retorted Ms Bakshi. Well Mam! And our eyes met. I could clearly see the fiery in her eyes and felt the hatred in mine. But why should I be blamed for something which I had not done. I wasn’t the one who drew it on her desk.. The naked Vitruvian chick with her hands on the lips and berating mouths.

Blood was gushing in, raged and yet anxious, I was apprehensive of the consequences.
What if the princi comes to know about it, I am gonna be a dead meat. Anyhow past is past. I finally ended in his office and I broke down. [Plea for mercy was accepted]

Chuck all this!
You know what the best thing was, the morning soccer practice @ 6a.m in the rainy season, which continued for 2 hours and rest 2 hrs was for mud-rugby. Nostalgic and exhilarating, sexy times man! Some of the other which I can recall would be…

Making Maggi: Once we made 26 packets of maggi in a bucket. Wo! That was hell lot of it and 8 guys ate it. (Just to tell, we didn’t cook, just put hot water from geyser add magi leave it for 10 mins nd then add the masala and mixed it together. It would be gross for some of you but a treat for us)

Wash my filthy socks ‘Junior’: It’s like when you say “You are a bloodsucker” Helpless innocents, in 7th class washing our filthiest, muddy socks at 11-12 pm in night. [No sympathy, its a rule which can’t be broken]

Show the bum: The hockey matches, if you lose you gonna get some ass whooping and it hurt badly, man it was Nike@Butt.

Gay stories: ♂ ha, It's like everyone knew that Punani wasn’t a tropical fruit! Yet they asked for it!

♀: We didn’t have them there. But sometimes the gods were too munificent. Mayo, Welhams, Lawrence Sanawar, MGD, Vivek High (they weren’t hostellers so didn’t have the vibe), Lawrence Lovedale, The long legged lasses was surely great to see @ the campus.

Chatting wid housemaster: Believe it or not, but once we chatted with our housemaster (us being a chick) and that fucker fell for it. It was like the funniest day ever. We literally saved the conversation and sent emails around the school, not missing his email add. For the evening roll-call he didn’t come. Ha what a jerk!

Mission In-Possible: We always use to order dinner from Chawla’s.(once a month) Now the delivery boy had to come up to the fort but they weren’t allowed to come within the premises of the houses, he used to stand at entry of fort, which is abt 8 km away from our house. Now just to tell you every fort has a road which surrounds the whole fort.
At 9:30 in night the mission began with black t-shirts, black trousers, a torch and sticks.
3 people used to get food for the whole batch (about 20 people.Who would go was through inky-pinky ponky, though each person had to go atleast once in 1 semester)

Climbing down the motor pipe, from 2nd floor, jumping the wall with glass n wires stuck on them, creeping on the ground bruising ur body and face, cautious of the monitor lizards (Now, we had this 4-5 foot long lizards.. they were fucken creepy n slimy, would scare the crap out of you at night, we had sticks and torch for that)
Moreover we had to be careful of the school guards who were fucken honest. Then walk down bare-foot (coz the shoes-rambling-with-stones sound would alert the guards)
It was a fucken insane job. Considered to be highly dangerous!

Neway then once you reach the gates through that road, the guy used to stand at a fixed position, near the jungle surrounding teachers’ houses.
We used to run at this guy (coz our dress was so fucken weird) throw money; he throws food and back to hostel the same way.

Fuck it’s bin a long post man. I dunno how to end, but the thing is
Boarding School Rocks.

October Seventeen '73

2006-05-16T13:12:00.000-07:00

Do you really wanna mess with the person who had an unsuccesful attempt to commit suicide, the person who alleged to kill his wife, who has been in defamation suit filed by his mother, who has been hit cruelly to go in the state of coma, whose father left him whe he was barely 15 months, whose mother doped, whose uncle commited suicide, another one killed his brother in law, whose wife was found kissing another man, with whom he remarried and again got divorced, and when i finally thought he would give a nice clean song, his best friend got killed.

check for more details, don't wanna summarize. everything is worth reading.
http://www.eminem.net/biography
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eminem
http://www.florimont.ch/eleves/0203/5_2/arnaud/eminem.htm

Aa Muaahh

2006-05-11T00:00:00.000-07:00

I don’t remember so very well, but sitting idly here waiting for the mess to open at 1 p.m, my mind flickered through the best cuisines I have ever had (of course beside mum's cooking)

Finally frustrated with the 'fukin stiff rubber-bread' on the plane, I finally got relief, when my request got a "yes-yes v do have tht" from the German, who gave 4 yogurts to me. Frankfurt to Colorado was one never-ending journey, however Kathleen with her 'pink-iriver' never made me feel like a hermit! "Basically bcoz I was all engrossed in my own thoughts talking to myself n not to my neighbour"

She had nice thighs, and her t-shirt showed...(Neway the point is I had a nice time during the journey :)

No digressions now.I must start with ma favorites:

Chipotle Burritos
It's cheap n huge.. A delicious mouth-watering wrapped tortilla (tis like romali roti), black beans, rice, sour cream, cheese, lettuce, chilly-salsa (tomatoes, chilly, lemon etc)
n then u can get more of it.... hot salsa (I recommend tht)
The name just makes me ravenous.

I have heard that Rodeos do serve nice burritos, however I doubt its taste.

Olive Garden Tiramisu
Enchanting dawdling wine trickling down the sides, cream, bread... trust me I dunno what it was. But the finest desert I have ever had. By the way: Don’t ever think to have it at Barista... It Sucks! (No way have tastes like the Italians had)

Quiznos Sub
Like the lunch-sandwiches, with tomatoes, onions, cheese lettuce, olives...this has its own peculiar taste... much like the subway however larger and yes my friend "unlimited coke n finger chips are really transfixing"

Juanita's Enchiladas
The soft, fresh corn tortilla rolled and stuffed with your choice of filling, topped with red or green sauce, melted cheese and onions. I doubt if you can eat one whole of that dish!

Old Chicago pizzas
Hmm, pijja.. That wasn’t just a pizza of dominos or pizza hut where just oregano and chilly would serve the purpose. It was this huge pineapple pizza, with many things n so many things. Let the menu describe it and nt me!

Cold Stone Ice creams
Like it, Love it or Can't live without it (punch line to choose the size u want)

That was near the Times Square, I was hankering an ice-cream and that's the place where I landed with ma brother, surely famous n jam-packed.

Starbucks Cold coffee
Whipped wid ice-cream, ice cubes and enamored by beautiful white girl's hand..politely askng u
"Anything else you would like to have sir?"
Whooo hoooo!

Tiny Tots Ice cream....
That you do find a lot at Gurgaon malls these days. However it was new 4 me when I had it, tasted really nice.

I never learn....

2006-05-04T02:26:00.000-07:00

hush....

okay! cut it now

that's Joey Tribbiani

2006-05-03T01:27:00.000-07:00

Well! Not a thing to mention about but it cracks me up every time.

The regular sceen at Monica's kitchen. Joe's sandwich is all what he is staring. Ross with his quirks which is gleefully heard by Monica and Rachel. Out of the blue, Joe's expressions catches attention, where he is doing his ' fart' acting (as listening to Ross) which he always does when he "thinks". Well surely not his cup of tea but anyway.

Joe: Hey Ross! Temme one thing. I got a science question.

Ross: Oh..k Shoot !

Joey:Well.. ! If homosapiens were infact...( a slight pause) HOMO Sapiens
Is that the reason why they are extinct?

Ross (amazed a bit though.. replied) "Joey! Homo Sapiens are people".

Joey ( smirked.. and in jest) : Hey Ross. Its okay... I am not JUDGING.

(laugh)

BLINK !

2006-05-03T00:03:00.000-07:00

philosophy yet again..

http://www.gladwell.com/blink/index.html

and another good site, though it's there in my site on the drop-down menu (incase u dint notice)

http://www.myhangout.com/

Go ahead !

Juice was worth the squeeze

2006-04-28T15:42:00.000-07:00

Sometimes in my life I come across so awkward situations that I can’t handle it. I don’t have hitches but certainly my quirks have no morality. No moral fibers!

While coming down the elevator, I was fed up. They take so much time? Why don’t they realize one’s hurry? However when the door opened at the 2nd floor; the lady entered, looking drop dead gorgeous from tip to bottom, Standing tall about 5 “6’ with liquid eyes , lustrous lips, hair playing enamored round her shoulders The black silk Benetton certainly had all the tensions, her bosoms was clasping, mite have even shot off( if you know what I mean). She was slender waisted, all elegant and graceful, deep navel ample hips. Shit! I had already imagined all the naughty things which came flashing in my head like a thunderbolt.

I manage to sneak quick looks. As the door closed, she kept standing at the other side. Naturally I assumed she’s going to the same floor. Delighted as I was, my head smiled.. As I was flickering through my imagination, saw her glancing at me. I manage to see her and gave her warm smile which was certainly reciprocated back.

She says hi and asks me “What’s your name?”
Saurabh

ME: I was really feeling uneasy, however I asked her “R u alone?”
(R u alone, what the hell are you asking)

Ya! I am. Actually I am here to meet someone. But I think he hasn’t reached yet

ME : Ok! So u coming to the Capitol. I assume..

Well .. Ya!

(What a day. Morning S** with Aditi you know that. and then the evening lady…shit I am gonna get all the dot dot dot today )

Suddenly the door opened and we barged out together, I think she might have got a hint that “I was up to something” She was smart enough to know that.
However she seemed to be ok with that and so was I. while talking sometimes she just kept her hands on my knees and I was so exultant. Suddenly she winked at me or was she blinking. I was ……

And then my cell rang, *Sameer said “I have reached; I am near the lounge entry.” I excused myself for sometime. Why…good things always happen with me.
I met sameer and told him about her and how I met a hot lady and what all we talked and as I was about to say.

He said “Wait a sec”
At that moment..... Sameer said “‘Aunty’ Meet my friend Saurabh “ *

*Names have been changed

Sylent sigh

2006-04-27T15:03:00.000-07:00

"There are people I know who won't hurt me. I call them corpses"
Brandy Milholland

Ahem...

2006-04-23T13:46:00.000-07:00

Foster, I hate it yet love it. Truly speaking I don’t know how I feel about it. But whenever the word party comes to my mind. It’s food, beer, sex or sutta.
I dunno why has my mind so converged to so limited matter and despite that I feel exultant about all this .
Yet so many things are there of which I am passionate about. You start from skateboarding, soccer, basketball, journalism, editing, optimizing, programming, intellect, debating, talking to an economist, scrutinizing spiritualism, commenting reviews, music, novelties etc

Does ne one hear me. Well no-one!
Anyway It doesn’t matter. I just wanna say to each n every person on this earth whether he lives in a dark corner and mushy streets of patna, or in Jamui (near patna) or at GK-1 or Sainik Farms Or at Malabar .Whether you own the latest convertible Lexus or a tvs luna. It doesn’t matter to me.

All are same. Of some of you may have goofy or slapstick humour, some may be saddist, some may not know “what exactly attitude is” I so go along well with everyone.
Yet when people have this fear and insecurity all over in them,I feel amused.
You know what people.. “You need me”. a new gap is to be filled with “Saurabh”
shred your fear.

Show them a fist and they think I m gonna kill them. Fucking no adrenaline rush. Scare them and they wimp. Ask them to drive to drop u near ur home and they turn their heads. While speaking all this trust me I no more feel a single dreg of anger or frustration. I feel happy and experienced, enriching and vicious emotions make me not think of any of them. And so would you when you would be living with them.

Even now I am part of that system I have resented all my teen. I feel too happy.. When I am phony, I feel I am the best and when I am not, I feel “there wasn’t any doubt with my earlier feeling”

Whew many contradicting views would naturally come, and I concur with you. Don’t worry you aint the one I am talking about..

My girlfrend is dating some cow..( he looks like tht) So the other guy asks him "so r v gonna meet again?"She retorts "Well ya" I think I like you. I am gonna "SAVE THE HORSE, Nd RIDE THE COWBOY"

Nugget's Cheer-me-leaders

2006-04-22T00:08:00.000-07:00

Time: 9:30 pm
Place: Denver, Colorado

my summers were really cool.

Well, It was a fine day initially, I was really excited about the Nuggets vs Pistons match.
Chauncey Billups rocked , 61 points with 8 - 3 pointers. The way he zoomed. dodged, phew..that fake was simply amazing.

R you even listening !
you know what... I leave it to you.. by the way the one at left most is "Stephanie"

1001 cigarattes.com

2006-04-19T21:09:00.000-07:00

Well, it’s not so poignant, that I started smoking. However I have my reasons.
I don’t have any godamn qualms;
triumphant and hilarity always knocks my door.
“Great going buddy” is the statement which I am used to.
So no cynic are welcomed here.

However going through the outlook, I saw modus operandi for delight. How veritable is that?
The first one goes as: H=F/D Fulfillment upon desires. To a certain amount I conflict.

But the other one from psychologists Rothwell and Cohan
Happiness=P+ (5*E) +3*H

P=Personal Characteristics, outlook, adaptability and Resilience
E=Existence and relates to health
H=Higher order needs, expectations, self esteem, ambitions, humour

I so concur with it. Mark each out of 10 to see for yourself.

Pay no heed to thee

2006-04-16T05:31:00.000-07:00

tht's how i am.. walk 2 the chiks
talk to them
next thing v knw
we are with them.

Sometimes when you think 2much..just like you read this book "Dancing Wu-Li Masters" nd think
you l get down to 1 thing

Do what you want to do, you l be the best everywhere.
Well I sed want to..; not have to do .....
Remember.

Eh...

2006-04-16T03:46:00.000-07:00

Professional Arena.
Talking to this person whom I met on bus about Sales & Marketing, was really amazing
As he saw me in those Innshady torn bermudas nd shirt sitting beside; he asks me “How old do I look ". I blatantly said 25. That's it. His idiocy began. He told me how he has maintained his skin, telling me about estrogen/testosterone in human body, much more but....
Topic change

At the age of 30, working for a German pharmaceutical company he meets doctors, chemists wholesalers and distributors and sells them their medicines.
That’s it. He averages about 35 grand a month.
What the fuck?
Working in the Sales sector as a manager (desperately seeking to be a product manager, he succumbed to be GM) Apocalypse aside, he told me how the system works.
(Say)His company makes medicines for Asthma people cleared to the 4th level(which means tested on a healthy human being) he goes to places in his area, shows the tests which he has in his black bag, and just asks them to prescribe this medicine to patients.
Later he sells these to chemists in that area.

His department has 5 guys (as his juniors); with each he spends the whole week later makes them meet with the people concerned. With this the "new boy" learns, establish contacts
And he spends his fucking whole month wandering.

I really digress on the topic, bad memory eh.....

The Chaos Theory

2006-04-07T05:04:00.001-07:00

Not the splinter cell chaos I mean. ( it's a computer mobile game for those who doesn't know)
I meant the butterfly effect. The definition is "Small variations during the intital stages of a dynamical system may produce large variations in the long term behavior."
My friend told me that it's said "A butterfly fluttering in SanFrancisco creates a typhoon in Tokyo."

I am still oblivious of just the varieties of thought, let alone the thoughts and my each perception has made me more of that part of the system which I always resented from my teen.
I envy Aston Kutcher in the movie "The Butterfly Effect".

Urban Nomad

2006-03-30T08:39:00.000-08:00

I am not a gay yet i love to stray
i am sorry to say that horses neigh, but
that's my way to start everyday

I was 11 when i went to boarding skool
there I only learnt how to drool
i can still remember the vivid land
where the student bullied me with a wand.

I aint a prodigy, so lets be real
wasn't a fob but always chilled
afraid to shoot, but a wickerman
now i just love to hear marshall's stan

i never thought to write a song
dickhead! people change... bing bong
i am from patna, proud to say
but man, these guys just love to play

Stare in my eyes, i' l tell u what's life
coz i have experienced the edge of knife
i can woo any girl, trust me about that
dont you frown at me; i know u r a brat

Enough for today, enough for now
time has come to say you chow

Cheers !

I have stopped feeling helpless now. I always know exactly what I want.

2006-03-29T07:41:00.000-08:00

S-t-r-u-t me !
T-r-u-s-t me !

Reason /Me\

2006-03-28T02:21:00.001-08:00

Since WWII the West has seen a dramatic increase in divorce (6% to over 40% of first marriages), cohabitation without marriage, a growing unmarried population, and children born outside of marriage (5% to over 33% of births), as well as an increase in adultery (8% to over 40%). What's bad in that ?
People say what’s the use of holding back all the grief and let it mount to an unbearable degree! here when marriages fail; in turn I mean when the differences increase, dunno if u r in relationship but when u b in one u mite realize what small petty matters create a loop hole in marriages;
Tell you for instance , the previous weekend I was at my girlfriend's place. Well they had some problem at their place regarding their friend smoking and drugs. Coz she was doing a bit excess and naturally the friends were concerned. I dunno why girls are so girly. It really annoys me at times. Anyway later she went to “handle the situation of people frowning and shouting" I heard again and this time she was also at the top of her voice. So what was the end result? Nothing. She came back, I was a bit annoyed n told her what was the use of going there. Believe me explanation was way beyond my imagination. She was all concerned about her, told me that this is the way the problem is solved, we should make sure she doesn’t do drugs (though when they drink and smoke they all encourage each other to have a blast and party hard all their lives and all that shit). She told me that she shouts at first and then she would understand. Well then she condemned me of being selfish. I dunno, may be that I mite sound such while you read my blog; coz as u read u mite make a picture of me.( well that's not exactly u wish I am, no movie gags here)
There's a thin line between being selfish and being yourself. People say there's no black and white in everything, rather the midway "grey" everywhere. Either u r black or u r white; there's no grey. For every act, every decision every choice u have made in ur life the direction was simply all black or all white. No grey. If you agree with this you do get me what I say. Well as she explained her character that she shouts at first and then she cools off and understand. If you know that then you should have only explained later. Later we had a fight as she was telling me all this with all being grumpy and frustrated, walls were thin, I didn't want anyone to know I was interested coz I wasn't, I cared about her that’s it. Well her voice rose, and I pacified her by keeping mum. I didn’t want to fight as after 20-30 fights you tend to catch on. But naturally that instinct, that rush in me was there. As I took a bath, I found I was cool, hip hop again.

Well you see why sometimes you need to change partners, so ("Redefined Monogamy” is fine as when people actually are happy deep down after finding the solution you Sudipti condemning it. so u exactly trying to stay that stick with your spouse even if u r happy, stressed, under peer pressure for making ur partner happy n act like one too." ironical!)
Coz once that adrenaline forgets how to get back, hell break lose. "Can you ever reason your experience" you can't buddy. As nothing is permanent so don’t judge, try to think before and act and depend only when your pride isn't at stake. And pride is not having an attitude for nothing, there has to be a reason. Reason is what we are endeavoring to reason at... What’s your reason to read and comment, think again, there is also a reason that you think..

SyRuS MyStErY

2006-03-26T21:40:00.000-08:00

Cyrus is cool. Damn the Adrenaline! I don’t think the movie had any relevance in our real life, pura chutiyaap tha. I simply fail to understand the mob mentality that we entertain ourselves or we pride ourselves for watching what we don’t like, and still act entertained. Do you love to be a child prodigy, u pity the old man because he was miser, or like saif ;he had no right to do that.The whole idea of getting intellectual and interpretive is non sense, not because it's bad but that you don’t want to be as such exactly.
Temme why do we write blogs, is it for us or for others. When you start writing an article or something you just think about as what you feel and then as everyone judges it you say it’s my opinion.
Then why the fcuk u wanna share your opinion. Keep it to yourself.
Sometimes I feel saying I watched "BEING CYRUS" had become more important that saying I watched "SOUTEN".
U are slave to the people and society, being a social animal has made you a "So- shell Animal" Try to be free from everything Go a/c to Vedas n Gita.Dude I really don’t care why the people fear what they like, I really feel terrible for all those who have great sense of raunchy humor and still no guts to say them. I am not despising the movie, cause I went to see Saif, Dimple just because they act well, liked it because it’s different but was amused when I applied it to myself.

How about we make the next movie about "HAKEEM USMANI" Well you do travel by train and find the advertisement.... jerks!
Ha Ha

Euthanasia

2006-03-21T02:26:00.001-08:00

http://www.hindustantimes.com/news/7242_1444590,00180007.htm

Euthanasia indeed is an obscure idea, but I think that's the solution, coz Even admittance in a hospital would not cure them in a day or two. It would take time, money for which I think Neelkanth would not be prepared. His sister is disabled,and his brother is completely non vibrant. I really feel so helpless as to pity neelkanth or to feel miserable for his kins. Mercy killing would atleast help all 3 of them to getover their everyday tear jerking, and let the kins embrace the eternal slumber. Moreover with time Eventually he would be healed.

I have always believed Experience is GOD, Well we really cant imagine their plight.
Been there,done that! Ironic isn't it?

Saurabh

Khichdi and Chokha

2006-03-13T01:20:00.000-08:00

Sometimes You want to be many things you like. Sometimes you wish you could be the centre of attraction, or u yearned for being the issue. You wanna be the only one people love to appreciate about. Mehul ,I mean this mite not me very true to every extent but be mature and draw the corollary.

Well if you thinking you don't want to be as such, I say, think again dude/miss don't fool around with yourself right at this moment when you know what you craved the most when you have friends around discussing everyone but whoa... they missed discussing you ! I know it must have happened with you, but now you have forgotten.

Yesterday I was in a mood to make such people more depress, somehow I am not getting a feel today to write about it so lets chuck.

"
Holi was fun at home. Arhar dal, chawal, salad aaloo ka bhujia! Well everything was perfect.
I howver felt sad and depressed, it never happens with me usually but then I was think and I realised somethings. You seriously think: Every point and every stage of my life parents have always stood beside me, always wanting my improvement. I never understood when they said "This is for your benifit. I just want you happy" That killed me. Always the same old lines.
Sometimes I used to get spiritual and say, "I don't need materialistic things and stuff. Just let me be on my own. " At those times I realised this.
As when I thought to place myself in theirs and then be as distant from my son giving him so called "SPACE" I mean just not bothering him, while spending all my money, energy and strength, with tenderness and zeal and hope. My inner desire would always be that my son never feels defeated and whatever I have learnt from my experience ;I should tell for him to be all ears and and watchful. then I am not gonna curb my voice.
"

I really dont feel to talk about anything; just started to write without a purpose, watched "harold and kumar's trip to white castle"
They were playing battleship in toilet, where you sort of combat with the next guy by sound competition, they said "Its not about farts. Its about pursuit of happiness, its about being the winner about how healthy,clean and fit your body is".
That's why I love Philips and Terrance from South Park. Ashish Bhaiya I am really sorry !

Cheers !
I am a terrible writer and have really messed up here. sorry to waste ur time.

staring and star gazing

2006-03-08T03:30:00.000-08:00

"Believe me Lidya is awful". That's what aryaman told me. After talking to her for I don’t know how many days. I guess months..They finally met. They met at PVR Saket, Teasers. You know ofcorse. To smoke I-Gen and drink peer.Well Turquoise Cottage wasn’t far either but Lidya normally goes to Teasers.

I know that was beer!

And as Frustration leads to obliging; so wherever the girls want them to be they come. She asked him to come at 4.These iitians are dumb idiots, Except for their sheer intellect which can't even do a helluvajob they should be happy being acknowledged as Idiots In Town. As she stepped down her Yellow Zen (whoaa) she waved at him.
Wearing the new Levis shirt to look mature and black jeans with Adidas shoes, he saw her.
Shyt Man! watt a bhanngan!

Well, the hye comes naturally, and so does their so called "getting along", he started roaming about trying to avoid the people's eye. Couldn't even look properly to other people.
I pity him. Sometimes it’s so difficult to say to the girls how he exactly feels about her."We do have a situation here."

They went to barista, were having cappuccino and then she entered; his school buddy Riya. Let me describe her, 5 ' 6", fair, amazingly hot, smart trendy studying in Purdue.
"I believe you must have made the picture till now; enough to drool over if she necks you"
And the panic starts, “what the fcuk should I do “When the reputation amongst the buddies comes to question, even fear likes to pee.

He tells her “Let’s go. I gotta hurry. My uncle's gotta pick me up at 5. "Aryaman" Is that u? A voice called from behind
“No ” He says. It was indeed audible. Suddenly he was the main attraction.
Riya comes up; looking dead gorgeous, well people were eyeing him again with a different perception though.

He was really panicked, was not even thinking how to introduce her to her. He went to counter to pay the bill. It was as if the whole crowd was yanking him! As Riya comes up to him, he was so nervous that he ran.

Striking the Asahi glass door, hitting lidya's eyes, spilling the coffee over Riya he ran ...
he literally ran away from them. I really pity him.

“Sometimes it’s better to express your self at the first instinct than to feel even worse for the whole day later”

Now the question is ..."how's he gonna tell Riya who is lidya and how does he know her.. Is it through yahoo talks?”