I know.. there is something wrong within....

Monday, November 19, 2007


In my last blog I wrote, “its not worth talking about things I like”. But then let’s give it a try for a change. I am just trying to talk about the most difficult topic so the one concerned needn’t get worked up if he doesn’t like something about it. When people generally talk to me about it I just tend to ignore them because I myself don’t know a reason why we are together. There’s no answer to why I love someone and no reason to it. People have made this word so commercialized that the word sounds filthy at times. Everyone who knows us, including ourselves think we are exactly opposite. He an extrovert, a social animal, true he can talk about anything and can make you laugh. He says, he likes people who are extroverts, diplomats, intelligent and can flaunt it well. I wonder what he saw in me, I don’t have any of that in me. I am an introvert, don’t take me as shy because whenever I open my mouth I might be just sarcastic or blunt, I am terrible at socializing with people. In front of the crowd I would hardly talk, and if I do either I would sound like shit to them and some so happening people would even take me as “gawaar”. I would hardly talk about things I know cos I know people either fail to understand or they act as if they are attentive and you sound so interesting, I wonder how many of them actually get into their head what others talk, so I decide being shut. Nor that I enjoy extroverts, and my guy who claims so much to be an extrovert I wonder how much he talks about himself. He would talk about everything else but he would hardly open his real self. Somewhere I feel even like me he’s trying to fit in this crowd, the crowd we both might be hating at some point of time, just that we have chosen different ways for that. We both might be selfish in some way and still we both wouldn’t think am I happy with other but rather we would be worried about is he/she happy with me?
I wouldn’t be able to write down what in gets inside me when I am with him. I can fall off to sleep with him without anything going in my mind, a peaceful sleep which I would be wanting since ages. I can talk, talk and talk more when he gets conscious about it. I smile when he gets irritated and then I would irritate him all the more. I can get drunk till the time I don’t throw up without worrying who would carry me home. But I would surely eat his mind next morning asking how embarrassed did he feel seeing me drunk like that? When he would hit on other girls I wouldn’t feel angry but I would feel bad more thinking he isn’t happy with me. And I am sure he would feel the same, the only thing is I don’t hit on other guys neither on girls.

This is getting all the more difficult to write, I generally take an hour or so to write something but this I have been trying from last three days. I don’t know what else about us, coming to think of it I don’t even want to know what’s between us, for all I know is that I love him, no matter what he does and no matter what I do in the outer world he would be still there.

Long back he once told me, that the problems we have now are like small barriers and then there would be one day, the big balloon day we cal it where the balloons refer to happiness. And so much like a fairy tale I would wait for that day to come, for all I know now is that I love him.


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